Letters from Sambisa

15.

Date: 12th May 2017

Dear Fatima,
First off Happy birthday! I know your birthday isn't due until 18th of this month but I wanted to be the first to wish it to you.
I've got much to tell you today, I pray they don't check the letter before it gets to you. Last week was the first time I killed a man. We ambushed a very remote village and found Fulani herdsmen occupying it. Our commandant asked us to proceed with caution.
As we approached the camp, a boy of thirteen rushed out with a gun on his hand, he fired at us. Fortunately he missed but deflated a tire from our convoy. Almost every one opened fire killing the boy mercilessly, he danced violently as our bullets pierced his body before falling unto the ground. I was reluctant and hadn't pulled the trigger even as his people came out and started shooting I froze staring at the little boy.
Our unit killed all thirteen of them except for an old man how was kneeling before the child. I walked towards him after I had ordered the men to stand down. I wanted to apologize for killing the child. The old man with a heavy turban on his head and a thick babban Riga was sobbing and speaking to the kid in a dialect I couldn't understand. I stood three inches away from him and as I apologized in a frail tone he looked looked straight into my eyes with his red eyes filled with tears he screamed violently before reaching into his babban Riga. I shot him on the head before he could get his hand out.
As his lifeless body laid on top of the child I reached for his hand in the babban Riga and found it holding a picture. It was a picture of him holding the child with a woman almost his age holding the child's hand. I had killed him, blew his brains out and with it took someone's joy away.
You want something to hold on to and never let go this is it 'LET IT GO'. Replace the bad thoughts with the good. Misunderstandings happen I know it would haunt me for as long as I live but I replace that memory with the memory of you every time it tries to bug me.

Yours Forever
Umar

P.S. I'm sorry I over reacted when you mentioned Sadiq, I admit I was jealous.