Black Soda Drink [exo]

XI

“I want to take you somewhere today.”

“Don’t you have work today?” I asked as I waited for the printer to finish with my script.

“I called in sick.” Kris was standing in the doorway, holding the toast I made him this morning. “We can read your script while we’re out.”

I was going to protest and tell him that he should stay home if he felt sick but decided against it. He didn’t look sick to me.

We drove in silence. I brought a pen and marked up some mistakes that I had missed (okay, lots of mistakes), but I could still see the tenseness in Kris’s jaw as we passed each traffic light.

Where was he taking me?

I looked up when we stopped in front of a sign. It was a park filled with trees that I had never seen before. “Is this where you learn how to be a bear?” I teased but he didn’t respond as he stepped out of the car.

I followed him quietly, holding my script against my chest as I avoided branches that were scattered everywhere.

“Come here.” Kris took my hand and we began walking side by side. I thought he did it to keep me from tripping on my own feet, but his grip was too tight. It was like he was holding onto a rope to keep from dangling off to space.

The path was starting to clear and the ground turned into gravel.Then a bridge materialized in front of me. It was a small one that spanned the two rocky cliffs. The water that rushed underneath seemed to scream right into my ears.

This was where Yixing died. I knew it without anybody saying a word.

“We came here that night,” Kris began. “We’d had a few drinks with friends and then he said he wanted to come here. I followed him because I honestly didn’t care. Yixing could’ve told me to go to America and I probably would’ve followed.”

I rubbed my thumb against one of Kris’s knuckles.

“He told me he was sad. Everyday. He was sad everyday. He didn’t know how to fix himself and he said he was scared. I told him that there was nothing to be scared of. He was a good dancer and he was probably going to make it big in the entertainment industry.” Kris cleared his throat. “Do you know what he said to me when he climbed on top of that railing?”

I shook my head.

“I thought he was just going to sit there and pretend to be a big shot. I mean, I was standing right there. It would be weird to commit suicide beside your best friend, right? But then he said ‘protect her’ and I was confused for a second. Who was ‘her’?” Kris licked his lips and worked his throat to push the words out. “Then he jumped.”

A sob got stuck in my mouth and I pressed a clenched fist against my lips. We both held each others’ hands tighter.

“I could’ve caught him. A second sooner and I could’ve saved him. But I drank too much that night and I was trying to figure out what he was saying. He didn’t even scream. I heard nothing but the water we’re listening to right now. When he was gone, I sat there for half an hour by myself. I thought I had died.”

“Kris…”

He didn’t seem to hear me. “But then I realized Yixing didn’t have a girlfriend. He only had a sister and I knew that I was supposed to protect you.”

“You can’t blame yourself, Kris.” I took his other hand so he would face me. “He left willingly and none of us know why. But you can’t blame yourself.”

He closed his eyes and I let go of his hands. Looking at the bridge, I could almost imagine Yixing sitting on the railing, dangling his legs off the edge like a child.

“Where are you going?” Kris asked from behind as he caught my fingers.

“I want to see what he was seeing,” I said.

“No, I’m not letting you go there.”

I looked over my shoulder. “You can come…”

Kris averted his gaze. “I-I can’t.”

My lips parted in understanding. I walked closer to him and peered up at his eyes. “I promise I won’t leave.” I hooked my pinky around his before he gave me a stiff nod.

When my feet stopped in the middle of the bridge, I took a deep breath. What was Yixing thinking about when he jumped? I crouched and hugged my knees. How did Kris feel when he saw his best friend jump to his death?

My head found no answers. It was completely empty, save for the sound of rushing water underneath me. I stood and turned back to Kris who was leaning against a tree. His eyes were fastened onto mine and he looked ready to sprint my way if I tried anything.

“Let’s go get lunch,” I said.