Breathe [ON HOLD]

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Have you ever felt that feeling when it’s like the world has stopped spinning on its axis? That in that one single moment everything is still, frozen, unmoving- as if the angels are walking amongst us, the birds stop singing their merry tune, predators stop dead in their hunts, head tilted, a sort of calmness that envelops, a warmness alluding to eternal love?

But then, in a single moment later, not even a second everything can come crashing down. Like tsunami that has risen, so elegantly, so beautifully, then in a single crash comes thundering down, destroying anything and everything in its reach. And then all that remains is darkness, coldness and fear; fear of the world, fear of what’s to come, fear of the future. Loneliness is all that seems to be there, a constant companion through the hard times. A constant reminder that no one is there, no one truly cares, except that’s not the point.  The point is you can never trust anyone if you want to survive this world. I learned that a long time ago. At least I thought I did.

Sometimes I wonder what I would do if he came back. What would I do if he asked for forgiveness? But that was all a dream, something that would never happen, not in this generation or the next. That much I knew for sure.

I was cold. Cold from darkness, cold from hurt, everywhere I went ghosts followed, ghost of the pasts following me, screaming and crying in agony. My fingers followed the piano, singing the sad tune as I let it go, pushing all my anguish into the keys. Tears fell from my eyes, but I ignored it, my fingers flew over the keys speeding up, than slowing down. The song echoed my sadness, its sweet sound resonating throughout the room. My fingers paused, stopped in the harmony of the song as footsteps neared.

“Angel”

My heart sped up, my posture stiffened as the voice coiled the room like a snake, snatching any and every scent of happiness. That was what he called me.

“It’s Schuyler, just Schuyler.”

***

“Why do you call me that?” my four-year old self asked him, “Its Skywler” my voice reprimanded him. He shrugged.

“No, it’s Schuyler too everyone else, but to me your my Angel.”

“NO!” I said indignantly, “it’s Skywler”

“Angel.”

“Skywler.”

“Angel.”

“Skywler.”

“Angel.”

“Skywler.”

“Skywler.”

“Angel.”

He smirked. I glared.

“It’s SKYWLER! Not Angel, it’s not even tat hawd”

He laughed,

“You’ll always be my little Angel,” he says, his crooked teeth flashed at me as he laughed.

***

My head followed the curve of my fingers, poised over the keyboard as if I were holding a ball, the melody soothing me, letting out my sorrow. Slowly I drifted off, it happened one moment I was somewhere, the next I was back in the darkness, alone and deaf to the world.

***

“…more responsible…”

“…get a job…”