Breathe [ON HOLD]

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

“Breathe…”

“Breath Schuyler…”

Breathe. Should I take a breath of air and let out all the air crowding my lungs, or should I save it, save it and let go? Should I breathe or should I live? Is it the same or is it different? Life is not as beautiful as everyone claims it is. Life created us, but death kills us….or does he free us? Free us from the misery of life, taking the chord she holds so tightly go, giving it to us, presenting it like the temptress he is. Does death seduce Life, or does Life seduce Death? Death and life, it has been a tug of war for millenniums, and it is one that would never grow old. Is Death apart of Life, or Life apart of Death? One may wonder what life truly is, but is life readying us for Death, her eternal lover, or is she telling us to fight. To fight back and to truly live.

***

Life

I am on the sidelines, watching in from afar as I torture her. Watching as she runs away from me in fear, her hair flying behind, following her like a predator he follows, laughing like a monster. I am life and I am death… or maybe I am both. I do not know. Not since Death took what was mine from me, so I will take what was once his away. I will watch him as I torture her, the one thing that he cares about more than death itself. Schuyler.

Death does not fear me, nor I him. But the minute he took what was mine from me, what she, Schuyler, took from me and gave it to her, like a gift, she was dead. But I will no longer watch from the sidelines, I will run after her, I will take what is hers and keep it close to my heart. I am Life, and he is Death and that slut, Schuyler, took death away. She stole what was mine from me, but not anymore, I will keep her alive, but barely. She will live, but never truly live.

***

Death

Oh, how I wish I could save her. Save my beloved, yet, none, not even I could. I could no longer stand by and watch. I could not stand by and watch as Life destroyed what rooted my life, what stopped me from crossing over, yet whilst she thought she was destroying me, she was destroying herself to. I could see the tinges of darkness and evil corrupting her, taking but by bit, inch by inch swallowing her goodness, tainting her purity.

Schuyler. The one person, the one woman worth living for was paying for my sins. I may be Death, but I am not evil. I am not corrupted. I am freedom.

***   

Sometimes when one comes to a predicament they wonder, what would happen if, for once, someone truly believed in them? Believed they could be strong, smart and could one day be powerful. Yet in my life, I have been pulled this way and that way, never truly having a choice in something, or anything for a fact. I can honestly say that even though I am surrounded by so many people, I feel alone, isolated even.

Some may wonder how that is possible, t’is simple. When one has no belief, one has been used over and over, like a rag doll, pulled this way and that they begin to lose themselves, slowly they sell part by part, inch by inch a part of themselves that they will never get back. Not as long as they live at least.

I don’t know and I do not understand what I did in my previous life to deserve such a fate. Yet the way I am, the way I have been groomed all my life says otherwise. From the way I dress to the way I act, from who I can associate with to who I can and cannot love, who I am to marry and who I am to live my life. It has all been chosen for me, yet not once has one asked me, is this what you want?

No.

Everyone, and everything believes I am okay with being pulled this way and that. Thwarted from what I believe is right and wrong. I watch people around me complain about how life sucks for them, congratulating me on having such a great life, and I paint a smile, so thick and unreal, so artificial yet they believe it is true. None can see the pain I hide behind my eyes. They cannot see the faint and small frown on the edge of my smile, they cannot see behind my lies, choosing to see nothing and everything except for themselves.