Never Enough

6

Guilt is defined as the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime.

The offense having sex with my friend's brother.

Even now, four days later I avoided them both. Ella and Xander. As I sit in class my mind floats back to that night.

His tender, slow, and passionate kisses being placed all over my body. The soft whispers of his voice.

I had done Ella wrong. I had done myself wrong.

"Tori." A voice called my name. I was snapped back to reality. Mr.Brown's old eyes were focused on me as the rest of the class.

I looked at him with questioning eyes. I watched as he raised a grey eyebrow.

"The book. What do you have to say about Romeo and Juliet's love story?"

I cleared my throat before speaking.

"Uh... I feel like everyone has formed their opinions of the timeless and someone would say classic love story. I personally think that committing suicide over losing someone can be somewhat controversial."

The old man nodded for me to continue.

I cleared my throat before continuing. "I mean to end a life, your life over a loss of a loved one can be harsh. Every day people are dying, everyday people lose someone that they love. I think Juliet was blinded by the thoughts of never being able to find love again and thus resulted in death. I think she was selfish to do that knowing she would be leaving the people that cared about her the most, her family. It's like she never thought she able to find love again that's not always the case."

Mr.Brown nods, then proceed to ask the other students their opinions. One by one they give their thoughts. During that time I managed to zone out again.

The bell rang shortly after, I gathered my things and headed to the canteen. I opted for a light lunch consisting of a ham and cheese sandwich with an apple and some water.

I scanned the room for an empty table and then walked over. I sat down and started my lunch.

It wasn't easy to avoid Ella. After spending the night tumbling in the sheets while her twin brother, I rushed out the morning after. Making an excuse that my dad asked me to come home.

I spent Sunday locked in my room. The constant loop of late Saturday playing in my mind.

On Monday I moved quickly and skipped lunch to sit in my car. Ella had sent me multiple texts king me if she had done something wrong.

My reply was always 'of course not I just have some things going on at home'.

Which really wasn't much of a lie. My father seemed up to be upset the past couple days. Something work related.

He had finally agreed to sit down and have a small family dinner with me tonight. I knew his work was confidential but my goal was to assure him that it would all be okay.

I bite into the ripe red apple then began to chew.

I slipped the page of the history textbook and sighed.

I hadn't known Ella but she had opened up to me about how her old friends would use her to get to her brother.

I didn't want to be like those friends but somehow I managed to become one of them. The guilt was eating me alive and I didn't know how I could face her.

I took another bite of my apple and closed the book. Sadness flowing through me. I was a shitty friend.

I had lost my appetite. I gathered my garbage and tossed the textbook in my bag before throwing out my trash.