Cookies

recipe # 1

unedited, please shield your eyes! :((

dedicated to kim seokjin and his dad jokes

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01: THEY'RE LOOKING AT YOU LIKE YOU'RE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING

• supervillains, ukuleles, and a take on wordplay •

Jesse O' Connor was at it again.

"What do you call a pig that does karate?"

His lips pressed into a thin line, anticipating Derek's resounding 'what.' The latter just shook his head, however, clearly unimpressed.

"Pork chop!" Jesse's hands flew up, his fingers stretched taut, and palms wide open. Slicing unseen things in the air, he began emulating a rather exaggerated version of karate noises. "Huwayah!"

Derek stood still, the look on his face wedged between horrified and plain embarrassed. "Dude," he managed to say after a moment of recovery. "Stop it."

Unluckily for him, the word 'stop' was beyond the lexical knowledge of people like his friend. The command simply passed through the left ear and exited through the right. People like Jesse just didn't stop. They hadn't bothered to know, in the first place, where their limits stood.

If anything, telling them to stop was a trigger; a button pressed that essentially unlocked full-screen mode.

Jesse proceeded to projecting some flying kicks, and bending over to his back to form a body arc. "Fuck, Jess!"

Feigning ignorance, he inched closer to Derek and began slicing his neck.

The recipient of the karate chops tried swatting away his arms, hoping inside that they wouldn't catch attention for the silly fight. But people in the hallway soon grouped to watch, much to his chagrin. "I'm serious man! Stop!"

By now Jesse had lost it, and was laughing so hard his shoulders rocked like they might cause an earthquake. He dropped his hands to the side, deciding he traumatized his friend enough.

Simultaneously, Derek reflected on revoking his friendship with Jesse.

"I must be the only sane person left in Creek," he mused.

Jesse wiped a tear from his cheek. "W-what?"

Derek rolled his shoulders back, frowning. He wiped off the sweat that beaded on his forehead and proceeded to take things from his locker.

"I'm sorry, that was-," Jesse let out one last chuckle, "Okay, I'm over it."

"Look at them," Derek said, twisting to notion to some people by other side of the hallway. "The ladies and the rest of them? They're looking at you like you're a normal human being."

"What?" Jesse was laughing again.

"Plus, they're looking at you adoringly, and I don't get that part the most."

"You tell me, Team Captain," Jesse shrugged off, "It's you they're definitely sending the looks at."

"They send me looks all the time, alright," Derek shut his locker. "But that's not the point. With all those jokes, you're impossible, Jess. But people choose to ignore that and follow you around like you're some hot boyband shit."

"Honestly, I don't really understand that follow-around part either." Jesse replied, looping his fingers through his backpack straps. "My jokes are great, though. Why would people ignore that part about me? If anything, they must be Creekwood's secret fetish."