Notes To You

Note To My 12 Year Old Self

Dear 12 Year Old Me,

You're in grade 6 now. I know grade 5 was a rough year. You had no friends in your class and you got caught up in a lot of drama. But this year, honestly, it's not going to get much better. You will lose your best friend in the absolute world for good, you will make so many embarrassing mistakes that will cost you a friendship, and worst of all, you will only get worse and worse until you're trying to do everything you can not to hurt yourself anymore than you already have.

But you do. You sit there on your bedroom floor, and you attack your wrists with that pencil sharpener blade because you don't know how to deal with anymore pain. Everything that happens in the future has all been set off by that year.

No pressure on you or anything.

But I just wanted to warn you because baby, your heart is going to hurt so much. The sad part is, you have to hurt so that I can grow up to be who I am. Without being hurt the way I have, I would never have connected with my best friend in the absolute entire world the way I have.

All the hurt that you have faced has led me to this moment.

Honey, I know how much you want to find love. You want to experience your first kiss so bad and you will in your first year of high school. Not with your boyfriend, but with one of your best friends on the night you get your first boyfriend. And this boyfriend is real.

Not one of those internet guys that I know you adore talking to, but a real guy. He will hurt you, but not as bad as the next one will.

You do find true love eventually though but it's not in who you think it is. Who's your guess? Is it Liam Payne, Josh Hutchinson, or is that boy who sits across from you in class? Nope.

It's in yourself.

This is the year that you become so insecure it becomes crippling. You don't want to leave the house and you make sure you don't have to. But I'm grateful that you went through that. It took me a long time, but I'm finally starting to see the good things in me again from after that year.

You know that twinkle in your eyes that you love so much? You do lose it. But don't worry, I brought it back.

Baby, it all comes back to us. We lost ourselves for so long that we forgot who we are, but I'm finding her again. I forgot how beautiful, charming, special and funny she was to be around. And we did it together.

I wouldn't wish the pain that I suffered on anyone, especially you since you are so young innocent. But without you, I wouldn't be the woman I am now.

Thanks.

Signed,

You But 6 Years Later