"So, I, I was diagnosed with Anorexia when I was 18. It wasn't something that I wanted to happen at all. I wanted to get in shape, loose a little weight and when I started getting compliments on my body things got out of control." Carrie bit her lip frequently as she spoke, not making eye contact with her boyfriend, in fear of being judged. "My parents sent me to a rehabilitation facility and I got better with time. Every now and then I tend to relapse but it's okay. I just, I don't know. I thought if we're going to be in a relationship that it's important for you to know about it." Carrie licked her lips once she was done talking, nervous to hear what Mike would say in response.
Mike was shocked at what he'd just been told. From the outside, it looked as if Carrie had it all figured out but she was just like everyone else.
"Carrie-,"
"You don't know what to say? It's okay. I um, I understand." She nodded gently, still not wanting to look at Mike.
"Why won't you look at me?" He questioned confused.
"Because I am embarrassed. I don't want you to judge me or be disgusted by me for what I did, for what I sometimes still do." She confessed, tears forming in her eyes.
"You mean you still, you, sometimes you don't eat?" Mike was trying his hardest to understand everything that she was saying, Carrie shaking her head.
"Sometimes I just feel really insecure and I fall back into that hole. It doesn't go on for long. I talk to my mom. She comes and visits and stays with me often. She uh, she helps me through it. It doesn't happen as often as usual but I know when it does. As much as it seems like the disease has a hold of me, I want to live." Carrie answered honestly, pushing her hair out of her face. "Mike, what are you thinking?" She asked, eager to know what he was thinking.
"That it is a shame that you aren't aware of how truly beautiful you are, inside and out." Mike's words caused her eyes to well up with tears. Carrie hadn't ever told a boyfriend or any of her friends what she'd been through. Telling Mike made her very emotional already. "Carrie, please look at me." Mike said, causing the blonde to make eye contact with him. "I love you just the way you are. There's nothing about you that I'd change for the world. I just want you to know that." Mike said, looking into her eyes as he spoke, wanting her to understand that he meant what he said.
"Mike, I don't want you feeling as if you have to take care of me or anything like that. Sometimes it just happens. Sometimes I just don't want to eat. When that happens, I don't want you to worry." Carrie said, looking at Mike seriously.
"I'm going to worry whether you want me to or not. Carrie, I want you to promise me that you will be open with me when you feel like that. I want us to be one hundred percent honest with each other." Mike held her hand, the blonde holding her breath. "Can you promise me that?" He questioned, her unsure of what to say.
Most of the time it was hard enough for Carrie to admit to her mother what she was going through. The thought of her also having to tell Mike stressed her out. Of course she wanted things to work out between them and she wanted to be honest with him but this was a whole other battle.
"Can I promise that I will try?" Carrie bit her lip softly, Mike taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be difficult but it's hard. It's embarrassing enough to admit to my mother that I'm going through it again." Carrie explained, Mike letting go of her hand to pull her closer to him.
"I just want you safe. I don't want anything bad to happen. Yes, please just try. Are you going through it now?" Mike asked, unsure if he would get an honest answer.
"No," she answered honestly, Mike raising his eyebrows. "Mike, I promise." Carrie added, him nodding. "Look, I know this is a lot-,"
"No, everyone has something. Don't apologize and don't think that I don't want to be with you anymore." Mike smiled gently, kissing her forehead.
"I don't understand how you do." Carrie shook her head with a sigh as she wrapped her arms around his waist, burring her face in his chest.
"Care, what's wrong?"
"I am just, I am so freaking embarrassed." Carrie shook her head, licking her lips as she looked back into his eyes, tears falling down her face.
"Don't be. It's okay." He wiped her eyes with his thumbs, before kissing her forehead softly. "Hey, it's good is pokay. I'm glad that you told me." Mike added, her forcing a soft smile.
"Can you just hug me?"
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