melancholy | egd.

two days after

[ march 9 of 2018 - two days after ]
vivian | chapter seven: just there

THE DOUBLE door that shielded vivian inside clang shut. the banging sound of it colliding against each other startled her. it was one of the scariest sound she has ever heard, for she had no idea who'd strolled through those doors nor what their intention were. she had secretly hoped it was nurse nancy, coming along with a plate of food.

vivian's hospital door creaked open in the quiet room. loud footsteps followed into the room until they arrived to my side of vivian's bed. she shoot up with a huge grin plastered on her pale skin, expecting to nurse nancy standing at the end of the bed. only for it to be turned down from the sight of the person she'd expect last to ever see, grayson dolan.

he looked broken to see her in such condition, a few tears threatened to spill from his eyes. his hand reached over to grab ahold of her right hand, which she pulled out of his grasp once he realized how fragile and cold they were. he quietly gasped to himself before recovering himself and forcing a small on his face.

"hey fisher, how are you?" his voice croaked.

she avoided eye contact with him, staring at the white blank wall behind him. as much as it had pained her to restrain herself from jumping onto him, she knew giving him the cold shoulder was for the better.

"sorry for not visiting sooner, they wouldn't let me." he continued, explaining.

he sat on the space next to her leg and continued glaring at her. from the corner of her eye she could see how badly this was tearing him, his frown getting lower and lower. that was when she had realized how puffy and red his once clear and brown his eyes were.

"ethan told me —" he began.

"vivian, your meeting with dr. lucy starts now." nurse nancy announced as she walked in, a clipboard in front of her and a pen on the back of her ear.

"i'm sorry sir, visiting hours are now over. you can come tomorrow before five." nancy softly smiled at grayson, who was only able to nod at her.

he glanced at vivian's small frame as he stood up, walking towards where the iv machine stood. he removed his purple wrist band and placed it next to the cup of water that sat on the nightstand. he brushed his hands on hers before walking out.

"c'mon, you know how much lucy hates tardiness." nancy spoke as she helped vivian up from her bed. "who was that young man?"

"grayson," her spoked quietly, her voice cracked a little from her not talking a two whole days and refusing to down any food or liquids.

"anyone special?" she asked as she helped pushed the iv alongside of her.

"he's just my boyfriend." she lied through her teeth as she walked through dr. lucy's office.

in a brown leather chair sat lucy, her back facing the door as she furiously wrote in her notebook. in front of her was a brown suede couch, one where the patients would sit down—or correctly lay—and talk about their feelings. something she never grew comfortable with.

"miss. rivers, you're a minute late. you know how i hate lateness."

"sorry dr. lucy, vivian had a visitor." nurse nancy tried to excuse.

"who was the visitor?" dr. lucy curiously asked.

vivian was helped into the couch, the fuzziness of the couch tickling her bare thighs.

"i'll come back for you in an hour, vi." nancy reassures as she turned to walk out. "stay put till then."

"not like i can go anywhere." she mutters.

"so vivian, nancy informs me your boyfriend visited you after being hospitalized for two days." lucy began jogging down a few materials in her notebook, her glasses hang from the bridge of her nose. "how did that make you feel?"

"okay."

"reevaluate, define 'okay' for me."

"um, it was okay. i acted like he didn't exist, so there's that."

"why did you act like he didn't exist?" she asked. "was it because you haven't forgiven him for not visiting sooner?"

"i understand he couldn't visit me, but no. that wasn't why," she hesitated a bit. "it was because i was scared of meeting his eyes and him seeing the once brave person turn into someone so weak. i was scared that he couldn't bare to be with someone like me, i've been faking to be this strong independent women when really i'm far away from it."

"have you tried talking to him about this? learning if he'd actually react or see you this way?" asked dr. lucy as she tapped her foot against the tile floor.

"he wouldn't understand." vivian's voice quivered. a few tears were beginning to be made, soon spilling.

"what do you mean?"

"i mean he wouldn't understand how hard it is acting to be this whole happy person who has never doubted themselves while slowing losing my mind. i couldn't take it anymore." a tear slid down her rosie cheek and dripped onto her gown.

"thus proceeded with you trying to end your life." dr. lucy finished for me.

as the words spilled out, she broke down. she was in such a sensitive state that her breaking down wasn't something hard. she began crying while realizing and making herself believe that she wasn't good enough. that she would never be good enough for grayson nor ethan, since they've always spoke about being with someone strong and confident. something that she is not.

"our session is over, miss. rivers. nurse nancy will help you back to your room. will continue tomorrow." interrupted dr. lucy from her crying moment.

nurse nancy linked her arm with vivian's and slowly brought her up. she bed my farewell to lucy before stumbling back into her room. a few dried tears stayed on her cheeks, for she didn't have the energy to wipe them away.

nancy opened her door as she carried vivian to her side of the room. vivian's roommate, lilian, side was completely empty which meant she was still not back from her session for the day. she never understood how lilian would always take the longest, she has been one of the strongest of the group—from what vivian has collected from two group meetings.

she laid on her bed and cuddled her legs up on her chest. she stared straight ahead, many thoughts going through her head. she watched as nancy turned the monitor back on and it was then when she had remembered about grayson's wristband.

she grabbed it from the nightstand and put it close to her face. it smelt like the perfume grayson would always wear, a musky strong smell that it wouldn't didn't surprise her a bit the fact that a band had the same smell. she slipped it on her right wrist and closed her eyes as she began drifting off into a slumber.