The Cow Maiden

Phelsea is so alternative

*Edit: HAYYYY guys! My Cowness, we are already on 10 million likes - we are so close to winning that 2018 wattys award !?!?!?! This chapter holds a special place in my heart because it is based off one of my many wives - im a polygamist! HOPE YOU ENJOY!!*

Suddenly, Phelsea appeared!! "I'm Phelsea. I like to listen to super hardcore music and knock down people's card towers that they work really hard to build. I'm a sadist, how about you?"

Picole screamed. "SIR HIGGLE IS TRYING TO EAT ME!"

Phelsea shrugged nonchalantly "See if I care, I'm about to go to 3 all time low concerts in a row cause sugar daddy cow has a lot of money."

And then Phelsea walked away, but Picole wasn't eaten cause the peasant's eyeball fell to earth and knocked Sir Higgles out.

"OH MY GOD THAT IS DISGUSTING" Picole yelled. "THAT IS AN ACTUAL EYEBALL FROM AN ACTUAL PERSON. EW. I AM GOING TO HAVE TO SNIFF SO MUCH GRASS TO FORGET THIS"

A sudden sucking sensation came over Picole as she ran away from the stirring Sir Higgles. With a loud slurp, she felt a strong wind suck her up a dark chasm. Picole Cheuk Man Chan found herself standing in a dark, damp, wet tunnel. She heard a voice near her.

"Aaand this is the udder, the culmination of our tour. Here, the oceans of milk come out to give sustenance to the life of this great planet. As we just demonstrated to you, not only can the udder release an abundance of milk, it also has very strong sucking powers" Picole poked her head around the corner and saw an extraordinarily lean, vertically challenged person talking to a large group.

"Where am I?" she asked

"Good Cow you scared me" the goblin like person replied, jumping a little. "I'm Cuthbert Archibald Bartholomew Marmaduke Wellington II, but you can call me Palerie. I'm a tour guide, and I work here inside Mother cow. Awfully damp and dark, but the pay's good, so what more can you ask for."

"I am looking for the cow castle. How do I get there?"she asked.

"Cow castle? That doesn't exist. I've been working here ever since I dropped out of the Moosattcheusets Institute of Technology and everyone round here says it's just a rumour. Course, I've searched too and there's nothing."

"You went to MIT? My Asian heritage would be so proud. I just went to cowmoonity college :( But even if you went to MIT, you know nothing! I asked a peasant who exploded after sniffin IP my grass, and I believe her fully. IF she says there is a cow castle here, then there is."

"Whatever you say. Hey, you're pretty hot, I get off my shift soon, wanna smash? I know a good Italian brothel. Excellent lasagne" Palerie started winking.

Although tempted by the prospect of lasagne, Picole pointedly declined and punched a hole in the side of the udder, jumped through and found herself in the large intestine.