To All The Ones I've Loved Before

To Lia

Dear Lia, 

     You were and are my best friend. I have always loved you, it's just for a time I loved you the wrong way. We have a great, time-tested friendship with a lot of inside jokes. We've gotten to a point where we really understand each other, and only need minimal explanation to express complex thoughts and feelings. We say that we're like sisters, but between sixth and seventh grade, I felt differently. I think, when two people are that close, it's only a matter of time before one falls for the other. It would have been hard not to fall for you that summer. Almost every day we were in the park, talking and singing and joking, or in one of our neighborhoods, trying a latte for the first time, and biking around the parking lot of our old elementary school. All the memories and jokes made it feel like camp, an alternate dimension where there were less consequences. 

     My crush on you was brief, but fierce. Looking back, I can't even imagine feeling that way about you now, it would be like having a crush on my sister, but then again, my sexuality was so new to me, and we both were changing so, like I said, it was like summer camp, more like someone I was just getting to know again. 

     I did make one crucial mistake that summer, and that I'm truly sorry for. With purely selfish motives, not thinking about how it would effect our friendship, just hoping you would say it back, I told you, sitting on the little hill in the park behind the swings. We had just finished singing 'Riptide' for the thousanth time that summer and I said

"Lia, I LIKE you"

     I don't remember what exactly you said then, I just remember the embarrasment and detatchement coming from both of us, and the long pause before you rejected me. As soon as I said those four words, it was no longer the carefree summer of nostalgia and singing, it was the worst moment of my life. I do however, remember that we agreed not to let it ruin our friendship, and three years later, for the longterm we did pretty well, but I ruined our summer, and I know I already apologized in this letter, and at least ten times in person, but let me just say again, I am sorry Lia. 

                                               Sincerely,

                                                                      me.