To All The Ones I've Loved Before

To Storm

Dear Storm,

     I liked you from the moment I first saw you. Unknown to me, you had Just broken up with your boyfriend, but all I saw was a angry girl with rainbow hair stomping down a hill. You looked beautiful, passionate, and to be frank, pissed. My friends and I were the ones who comforted you, but with all the commotion going on around us, and be just being totally starstruck by you, I didn't really grasp what the problem was until much, much later. After that day, we were friends. You sat with my friend group at lunch. You were somewhere between 'Emo' and 'Scene', and the rest of our group liked a lot of 'Emo' music and didn't know how to use eyeliner right so we called ourselves the Emus. 

     Nothing happened between us for five months, and though it was always on the back of my mind when we were together, I got used to having a crush on you. I discovered a new band, 'He is We' and their song 'Blame it on the Rain' summarized how I felt about you so much so that I would listen to it and sing it multiple times a day. My best friends were not amused, as they had to listen to my bad singing that much more, and because I was annoying them with my pent up feelings. They encouraged me to tell you how I felt. I did it in an unwise way.

     Our school was not a conventional school. We didn't have sports or even P.E. We didn't have band, or student counsel. We did however have dances. Prom was just as well organized as any other schools', but the rest of our dances were student planned, and let's just say the students didn't usually do a great job. 

     We were all still especially excited for the Valentines day dance, none of us more so that me. It had always been my dream to take a date to a school dance, and dance with them and get them punch like someone from a cheesy teen movie. I decided to ask you. 

     I took one of the pins they were handing out to hype up the dance- it had an owl and a stupid cheesy pickup line on it, and got down on one knee like I was proposing in front of the entire cafeteria, and confessed my love and asked you to go with me to the dance. It should have been a red flag for me that this was your responce:

"Oh my god, that is so sweet! Yes, you're totally going to be one of my girl crushes now!"

     If I had been paying enough attention to you up to this point, I should have known you were just too awkward to say no. I was too excited to care. The dance was just as awkward as you must've felt then. 

     I just about forced to to dance with me, and once we had gotten into a nice, swaying, slow dance like rhythem you said

"so are you going to kiss me or what?"

     Even with how much I thought I liked you, I knew I wasn't ready to kiss anybody yet, so after an awkward pause I said no. You broke up with me less than a week after that. 

     I understand all of that, and I don't blame you for 'stringing me along' or anything like that. I just wish that not even a month after you broke up with me, you hadn't asked me to help you apply lip balm. I did, and I enjoyed it more than I should have, but it only kept me liking you like that for the rest of the year, until I had the summer to clear my head and get you out of it. 

     One more thing. The night after you broke up with me, I went to my room, plugged in my earbuds and listened to a playlist I made myself of Emo music and 'Blame it on the Rain' by 'he is we'. All of them were songs that made me think of you, and I cried the most painful tears of my life that night.

                               Sincerely,

                                                      Me.