Memories

Christmas

Christmas isn't in everyone's holiday. To be completely fair i'm not even 100% religious but our family still celebrates it. I don't mind though, it brings our family together. Something we don't do very often.

I don't really care about presents. I enjoy the little things. The lights. The first snow. The first ice. Well, maybe not so much on the ice but you know what I mean.

I remember the sad parts of the holidays. The children being sad they didn't get enough. They weren't rich enough. They weren't happy enough. I remember being one of those children. The boys and girls asking me what I got and when all i said was I got a new Phone. Or maybe it was a new toy. They asked, "what else?".

Who would had thought that two words would make you so confused. Why did I have to have more than one gift? Or any gift at all? I didn't even really care about the gifts. I just want to be with my family. Have a good dinner or something like that.

My heart ached when they started chuckling. Then they list the hundreds of useless items they will probably never use more than once.

Or they'd ask, "What are you getting them?".

I didn't have money for that. I'm just a kid.

I felt bad. I still to this day feel bad for not getting anyone anything. A card seems so cliché.

This year I made them cookies from scratch.  But it still didn't feel like enough.

I remember the good times. The happy times. The 2-hour delays from school. And seeing the innocent snow gently flow like a river from the sky. I loved those times. (Not the ice on the ground though!) Or slowly seeing the icicles slowly forming and getting bigger and bigger each day.

Once, it went from the edge of the roof and connected to the grass! It was a thick hunk of ice. It took forever to melt. But all the little ones went away so fast. Or sometimes kids would pick them off and suck on them.

Silly kids.

I remember the White Christmases.  They were so beautiful. And hearing children laugh was always so sweet.

I remember the sky was falling apart at night and the snow made it so there was an indescribable faint light. Orange almost? It's so hard to explain. Sometimes i would simply sit out and get covered in snow. They would tell me to come back in and i would say, "i will in just a moment!". You loose track of time in those moments. It feels like it doesn't exist almost.

Once I came back inside, my mother would sometimes fix my sister and I some hot cocoa. She had her own mix she made and it is still my favorite today.

I remember the warmth of it. And even if there are some sad memories, there are quite a bit of happy ones too. I've come to realize that the mind will focus on the bad rather than the good. And sometimes a little push helps the mind remember all the wonderful memories. And even more memories to share.

I remember, and i'm happy I do. Do you?