Memories

Colourblind

I don't exactly remember when I realized I was slightly colour blind. I don't remember if I was in school, or if I was on a computer, or even just talking to someone. It was random.

I remember I was talking about art and said that I thought that I had gotten my colours mixed up. I did. It was strange but now I can celebrate every time I say it's a correct colour.

Pinks and Oranges.
Pinks and reds.
Pinks and yellows.
Oranges and reds.
Oranges and yellows.
Purples and pinks.
Purples and reds.
Purples and blues.
The list could go on for an eternity.

It's strange to think that sometimes people cannot see the same things as others. Such as, what if people who have perfect colour coordination and can see colours just fine, didn't. What if really they saw green when someone said red and thought that green was red. What if we cannot see the same colours but we have taught them to say that one colour is another. It's strange.

Another little thing that makes me question my eyes is, when I colour a picture, or even try to use some sort of colour in my art. I find it ironic.

It would like being dyslexic but still being a writer. I'll talk about that another time.

I find it strange. I cannot remember the first time I thought I saw a colour wrong. I wasn't little, that's for sure. Maybe it grew on me. Maybe over time it slowly got worse.

Who knows?

My eyes can deceive me many times. But I know that there are people who cannot see colour at all. Maybe they don't even know it. They cannot see "red". They cannot see "Green". They cannot see "colour." Maybe they see shades. Who knows. I can see colour. Not well, but colour none the less.

I find it strange how I love looking at colours even though I can't really see them. Something about knowing that EVERYTHING has colour just makes me fall in love. Weather it was a white or an absence of light makes me love colours and shades even more. Even contrasting colours. Or even "ugly" colours will be used for art or pictures, or all around us. There are thousands of shades and colours that we cannot see. I wonder how different our colours are in someone else's eyes compared to mine.

It's beautiful. Colours and shades can make the world look like an oiled painting. It's more noticeable in colours, rather than just black and white. Though, that's what it is sometimes. I wonder how rainbows look to other people. I wonder how the pigment of my skin, or the colour of my hair looks to other people. I wonder how far off my vision is from others.

I remember when I was colouring a picture and had to ask what colours were what. I remember  I stopped asking unless it was for school. I remember colouring drawings and pictures that had "ugly" colours but were beautiful in my eyes. I remember I stopped caring what I saw and stopped asking. My colours had contrast. Someone even said that some where exotic. Unique. Beautiful. Ugly. I see something different, yet it's still beautiful through some eyes.

My eyes themselves are dull. There is nothing unique about them. They are an awkward brown/hazel colour. The only thing I could say that I like about them is that they can change colour. Not a lot, only slightly.

To this day, I still find it strange why I am colourblind. I wasn't when I was a child, but as I grew, my sight faded.

My eyes are weak. They are blind. Not just colour, but distance. I don't really like them. A dull colour, and only terrible sights can reach throughout them.

People have asked me if I ever want to get colour-blind glasses. No, I don't. They want to see my reaction to colour. I've seen colour. Just not clearly. I've seen blue. I've seen green. Ive seen red. I've seen it all. Why would they want to see my reaction to colour. I would be dull.

"Ugly" colours are beautiful. As children, we use bright crayons that are "pretty."  But as we begin to grow, our eyes change. We realize that even "ugly" colours are necessary. "Ugly" colours are beautiful.

At least, in my eyes.

Who's to judge what's "beautiful" and what's "ugly."

Even now, on this road trip. The hills are tinted red. The grass is a blue-green. The roads are a orange. The white, faded. Blacks look like ash. The sky is not blue. All my colours are just slightly off.  Who would know what's right and what's wrong.

I cannot see.