You open the old time novel, where the heart is gone, and the hero would be me

Part 11

Spock's eyes opened while he sensed McCoy's presence. Spock looked over to see the human was seated beside him with his arms folded fast asleep. McCoy lightly snored in his rest. He looked at peace and unhinged by time itself. Maybe it was just the way he felt asleep. McCoy was now in uniform of the era. Gray and white. He seemed quite at home in it. Like it was where he belonged at all. The three in uniform like it seemed more obvious that they would look aesthetically pleasing together. Fitting a navy like appearance set in the future. McCoy's eyes began to slide open. McCoy leaned forward placing his arms on to the side of the biobed.

The lights were off in the quarters. Intentional or not, it gave a rather calm and relaxed demeanor about the room. The stars outside reflected through the mirror cast a light over the doctor highlighting him in the darkness. The aesthetic looked on point and fitting for the well aged admiral. Spock could say it reminded him of a lazy scene in a action packed science fiction movie that was displaying a 21st century invasion on Earth. Because it did. McCoy had the smallest of a smile directed toward the Vulcan. It was as though there was moonlight on him rather than the starlight.

"Hello, sleepin' beauty," McCoy said.

"Greetings, ashayam," Spock said.

"I'm lettin' that pass because, one, we're not physical," McCoy said. "I don't want to break ya heart."

"Leonard," Spock said. "I should apologize."

"For scarin' the livin' shit out of me?" McCoy asked.

Spock shook his head.

"I should apologize for not informing you of what the link we shared was," Spock said. "It was irresponsible. And illogical," he shook his head, propping himself up toward the human. His hands were laid in his lap. "It was motivated primarily by my emotions to protect you."

"Well, it was some sort of link," McCoy said. It was weird not having it. The link in the back of his head. It was like a constant reminder of what he had allowed to happen and what he had a part of. A hand in for that matter.

"Jim, I, and you were T'hy'lara," Spock said. McCoy's eyes started to widen. He knew what the word it was derived off meant. T'hy'lara was plural for having more than one soulmate. "that link you had. . . it was a expired marriage bond. For the last part of a century I have been shielding you from it as I believed you were not ready for it. As did Jim, he had concerns that you were aware of."

"Oh," McCoy said. "I think I see," McCoy leaned back. "Ya knew about the appointments."

"I considered it was none of my prying eyes to see," Spock said. "Jim found out when he was looking at your file."

"Well, ya right," McCoy said. "All that mind voodoo in space took it's toll on me," he stood up then came toward the window. "It's taken me a lon' time to become fully open with mind melds again."

"I should apologize for that, as well," Spock said.

"Ya don't need to apologize, Spock," McCoy said.

"For placing my katra into your mind when you were further into your recovery," Spock said. "I could have easily used what contact I had with the captain to deposit my katra as we were compatible. He would not have known initially but in time he would want to go to Vulcan for closure. Father would have informed him that he had my katra and sent us off to the ancient hall of thoughts. I did not anticipate our minds would go along so well that I sent you into holding. Almost be mistaken for losing your mind. Those are my regrets."

McCoy rubbed his shoulders turning toward Spock.

"I regret that, too," McCoy said. "Remember that first humanoid mind meld you had after the voyage home?"

"Of course," Spock said. "I was ill-equipped."

McCoy's eyes were like daggers glaring off toward Spock as though 'no, you were not'.

"Ya wanted no part of it," McCoy said. "Ya remembered what happened as soon as your hands were on the psi-points while holdin' onto the man's wrist."

"It is considered invasive and criminal to attempt a mind meld with someone who is unwilling," Spock said, as a excuse. "Punishable by death," there was a long drawn out silence between the two elders. "the only times I have done that were for . . ." he paused, as memories crossed his mind, then continued, "logical reasons." yet the shame in his eyes spoke volumes.

"That was a part of my trigger . . Invadin' my mind. . . " McCoy gestured toward himself then lowered his hand. "I control how it affects me and it doesn't control me, anymore," he walked around the bed. "I am just sorry that Jim had to see it. Know I had a problem back then."

"We loved you regardless of your problem, Leonard," Spock said, earning the turn of the doctor from the doorway.

McCoy paused.

"Is that why on those missions on the Enterprise A that ya and Jim were so insistent that one of ya take my place when it came to that?" McCoy was rubbing his chin.

Spock nodded.

"We did not wish for you to get hurt," Spock said. "You had came so far. You did not deserve being kicked down to where you were before."

It made sense why Kirk had put himself directly in the way. And Spock, himself, too when it came to the doctor's safety by a telepathic based society. A part of the good admiral was touched. After all these years, Spock and Jim had always been considerate of him. Even after he stopped having the appointments. He lived his life, happily. That's what they wanted for him: to be happy. And the brief mind meld after who knows long knowing the time they had left together was valuable. McCoy brought over a unoccupied wheelchair to the side of the Vulcan's bedside. His hand slid from the back of the wheelchair. McCoy sat down by the side of the elderly Vulcan on the biobed. He reconsidered his position on the issue.

"We are too old to dance around this subject," McCoy said, holding his two fingers out with some strain.

Spock moved himself onto the edge of the bed then looked up toward the human then took one good look to make sure it was real.

Spock tentatively returned the gesture.