Oblivion's Shadow

XI. A Complicated Decision

By nightfall they reached Anga's Mill, just within viewing of Windhelm. To avoid being seen, they headed up into the snowy hills to make camp in a cave.

Now, with all three of the Daedric Lords' supports, they debated on what they should do. Go back to Riften and wait for news of the dremora's portal or go searching for it themselves? Macayla badly wanted to see Aadalyn again—she had never been apart from her daughter this long before. Brynjolf sided with her, but they all agreed that keeping distance between them and their loved ones would help prevent the dremora from using them against them.

They separated to gather wood for the fire, and food and water. But Macayla was so distracted by the thoughts brewing in her head to gather adequate supplies. She hadn't been with her husband in a long time, and she yearned for him. But if she lay with Brynjolf, it wouldn't just be her—she'd share him with a Daedric Lord. Could she handle that—knowing that her husband made physical love to her, but also emotionally with another woman, too? Could she consider it as a way of thanking Nocturnal for helping them?

Macayla could feel Nocturnal's growing interest in what she debated. Her eagerness was hard not to pity—an eagerness toward the possibility of experiencing what she will never feel: love.

She headed to find Karliah and share her dilemma with the Dunmer, hoping she could help her decide.

Now, they sat around their meager fire, enjoying the chance of a break. Even though Karliah had helped her decide, Macayla's mind never stopped racing on whether or not she should. Nocturnal obviously leaned one way, but held back her influence so Macayla could decide—this was her husband and her body. Having the Daedric Lord restraining herself for her comfort didn't help things. If she had acted without impulse and had ignored Macayla's feelings about this subject, it would be easy to decide: no. But Nocturnal wasn't doing that. She was actually being considerate.

"I'll take the first watch," Karliah said as she stood; she shared a knowing look with Macayla before leaving.

She took a heavy breath. This was her chance, if she would take it.

"Alright, what's going on, lass?" Brynjolf began. "Something's been on your mind all afternoon."

She kept her eyes down as she fiddled with a loose thread on his jerkin. "I've been trying to decide on... something."

Silence drug on as he gave her time to explain. "Which is?" he asked.

More silence developed before Macayla took a deep breath and looked up at her husband. "Whether to lie with you—right now—or not."

His eyebrows furrowed. "Why is that a question? I'm your husband..." His eyes widened as he realized what had her hesitating.

Macayla lifted up more and turned to explain what she thought about the dilemma. "Do you see my problem? I want to be with you, but it won't be just me. It's my body, yes, but I'll also be sharing the emotions with Nocturnal. And her not forcing me to decide makes this even worse because I feel her eagerness. I'm worried that I'll feel angry at you for sleeping with another woman if I do this, and guilty if I don't do this because I'll be taking Nocturnal's one chance at experiencing love away. I don't know what to do."

"Look, stop thinking about the details. I know you, lass, so I know you're seeing this as a thank-you for her help. Do what you feel. And me? I'm not making love to another woman; I'll be laying down with my wife—a Daedric Lord is just a part of her."

"That's what Karliah said..."

"That's how I see it, too."

Macayla cut her eyes at him as her lips twisted playfully. "You're not just trying to convince me so you can have sex, right?"

Brynjolf chuckled. "No; if you're not comfortable with this, lass, then I'm not."

She huffed, looked out of the cave for a while, then turned back to her husband, thinking on what to do. Him stating how he views her dilemma helped a lot—through his eyes, he only sees her, not Nocturnal. So, he won't consider them laying together as being intimate with another woman. Now to just how she would feel.

Would she really think he had betrayed her by laying with his wife, who happened to be hosting a Daedric Lord? Hearing her husband say the same thing Karliah had said meant so much more. And helped her decide.

Macayla crushed her lips on to his.