Ponder// Miniminter x reader

Part 2

10:30am

You skipped breakfast this morning .  Not like It mattered anyway, it hurt eminsley to eat.  You still sat at your desk doodling onto the paper you drew the words on.  You sat the colored pencil down, sitting back in your office chair.  You took your hands out of the the sleeves of your Sidemen Hoodie, pulling the sleeve up your elbow and looking at your slightly malnourished arm.  

Sure in the hospital they IV you, but you were there for two weeks unable to mechanically swallow food.  Just fluids made you grow slightly thin.  You raised you hand to your neck and scratching around the angry stitched up slash across your neck.  The stickies oulling at your skin made them itch, but you had to be careful not to get too close or you'd undo them.  

You lower your arm, staisfying the nerves in your neck.  You hear someone walk up to your door from behind you, you swivel around in the chair to see who it was.  The door opened and a familiar white haired twat poked his head around.  You smile smally at his presence.  

You enjoyed Simons presence, the two of you being just friends.  He was histarical and his sense of humor was amazing, he always managed to cheer you up.  But at this point, the small smile was the best he could do as he entered the room, leaving the door slightly ajar behind him.  

"You coming down for dinner.  I bought Wiggamama's.."he said with a smile and hopeful eyes as he stuffed his hands into his pockets.  You shook your head no, and his smile dropped.  

"You're not hungry?"  He asks concerned.  "Surely after staying the hospital you'd want to eat—"

You just swivelled away from him.  Picking up your pencil and going back to your drawing.  You couldn't tell him no, so this was the best way.  You heard him sigh behind you, before walking up behind your chair, leaning over it to see what you were doing.

"I'll ponder if something great, our lungs shall fill and then deflate,"  he reads out.  You stop coloring, just staring at the words you drew.  You sigh, looking up at him, he looks down at you with pity in his eyes.

He felt bad, he felt it was all his fault because he was reluctant to go.  

"I'm sorry,"  Simon says apologizing for the thousandth time.  You nod your head shrugging your shoulders, you didn't blame anyone anymore, those first two weeks you did, but now you just sat in silence, observing the world around you becuase you couldn't be dish in your opinion anymore.  

"It's not okay, y/n!"  He suddenly yells, flinging himself away from you.  You jump at his sudden behaviour.  

"I never should've gone home that week.  You told me a should for the small vacation to visit them, but I should've stayed.  If I had stayed, you'd be able to speak," He says.  Running his hands through his hair.  You just watched.  Not like you could toss in your input.  

"Now I can never hear you're beatiful voice ever again, because I was too stupid to listen to you and leave you alone."  He says, his voice beginning to crack. 

"I should've stayed,"  he whispers, leaning against the wall and sinking down.  Holding his head in his hands.  He stayed like that for a few seconds before you heard it.  

The hyperventilating.  

Deep gasps of breath, aching for air, breathing in fire and putting out dust. A train running low on coal, on its last huff.  Simons head snaps up as you start to feel pain in your neck from the stitches, that's when you realized it was you.  

Your chest begins to feel like it's caving in on itself and your head begins to spin, you grasps onto the chair you sit in, doubling over weazing.  Simon appears in front of you holding your shoulders, looking into your eyes.

"What's wrong,"  He says calmly.  Like you could tell him.  That's when your eyesight widened, he called you beautiful.  He called your voice beautiful.  You didn't react but your head sure a smile hell did. 

Your head hurts and spins as he tries to calm you down, but then he does something, he leans in close and blows cool air on your face.  Immediate, you slow your breathing down.  You smile smally, as you feel asin your in a daze, coming off from damn near passing out.  

You'd had a panic attack.  

You'd nevertheless had one of this  before. 

Hmm.  Odd. 

Simon looks you in the eyes now, just the two of you sitting in silence.  Your breathing was steady and back to normal, you're heart no longer pounded in your ears.  Just this evening beautiful blue eyes in front of you.  

You and Simon were always close.  But never like this.  More or so like he gives you a ride to Uni and picks you up, he drives you to the football pitch, and has bought you lunch, hell the both of you have even slept in the same bed on countless vacations with the he guys, but you two were just close friends.  

After a few more minutes if just staring at each other, he leaves.  Just randomly leaves.  Without a word.  

Then those strange feelings are repressed.  You just swivel back to your desk, opening up a new page to your book. 

"Our lungs fill with fire, and exhale desire,"  

'Time to color,'