Who Knew...

Chapter 1 "Please"

"Why did you leave me Zeke! I needed you, I still need you!" I screamed at the still picture of him on my wall. I knew doing this wasn't going to bring him back, but I needed to let this out.

"You told me you would be there for me! Forever! You promised it to me Zeke! Now where are you when I need you the most!"  I let the tears stream out of my eyes without even trying to stop them or wipe them away.

I looked at my wrist and arm that was covered in old scars, each one telling a different story, a different sadness, a different pain. I hadn't cut  in about 2 years, and it was all because of him. He made me strong, he was my rock, but now without him what was I going to do, what was I going to become? 

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I ran out of the house tears rolling out of my hazel eyes I had enough the constant bulling at school being called emo, goth, fat, slut, I would get pulled to the ground and punched and no one seemed to care. But also the yelling at home, The way it all made me feel, it was too much. After a long time I had decided to do it, the only thing holding me back; Lottie, my little sister, she was only 6 but she had gone though so much.

When Lottie was 3 Mum and Dad was always constantly yelling at each other, the love between them just disappeared. I remembered one time it had gotten so bad that I ran out of my room and straight to Lottie's where I found her in the middle of the floor crying because of the shouting. She was too young to know what was going on but it broke my heart seeing her so alone and scared, It was then I promised that as  long as I was alive I would protect her. I was 12 then, Dad left a year later and things got so bad at home and at school that it became hard to keep that promise, When I started becoming the way I was, I just dropped it all together.

I walked along the train tracks on the winding path thinking of everything that had happened in my life that made me do this, my feelings, who would actually care if I was gone, the only people I could think of was my 1 friend, Jade, and of coarse little Lottie. 

 People walked past me smiling and laughing. An old couple walked past me, they looked so cute, holding hands just hobbling along, The old lady looked to me as we passed and gave a gentle smile, I couldn't help but wonder what would she think if she knew what I was about to do, end it all.

After about 20 minutes of walking I found myself in a secluded area, The walking track was long gone and this place was so well hidden no one would witness this, no one would be there to stop me. What was weird was that I had never seen or heard of this place, but it was beautiful besides the harsh grey and brown tracks that ran through it. It was a flat meadow, pretty little flowers growing throughout the wispy grass, but what stood out to me most was the large willow tree in the middle of the field. It was the only tree there but it had that look about it, that it was there forever.

It was a hot day but the wind was cool and crisp it whipped my brown wavy hair around my face as I walked towards the tracks at this point I wasn't thinking of anything and my body was set on automatic  I couldn't help myself even if I wanted to.

My vision became blurry as I walked across the tracks I didn't know when a train was going to come so just sat, next to the track, playing with a delicate yellow flower. I wanted to do this, I needed to do it   if I didn't I would just have to go back, to that life of sadness.

I looked at the flower that I held, and was drawn to my scar and scab covered wrist. I had done it again last night after getting tripped at school and falling in the hallway and people walked on me, then when I told mum she told me to man up that its my problem not hers, I just went to my room and locked the door.I broke another razor cutting my finger trying to snap the head off, letting the cold sharp metal run across my wrist It didn't hurt at first but after a while the all too familiar pain cause me to wince.  I remember the first time I did it I thought it was so stupid but i didn't it again and before too long it became a habit and I just couldn't stop. It seemed like everywhere I went everything I did, I could never do anything right, I was a disappointment... 

I heard a loud noise to my right and was snapped out of my memories, it was coming, the train was coming. I quickly stood up and looked at my way to go, it seemed so scary, but, so good like it was the only way. I took everything in one more time as I closed my eyes, this was it.

I clenched my fists waiting for the perfect time to fall back, it was now or never.

But just as the noise got louder, something stopped me, something that gave me such a shock I nearly fell back anyway, a voice, one that sounded so strong but so pure.  It sounded so much like a whimper.

"Please."