A Perfect Life Without You (Ongoing)

Chapter 14: Drunk And Low

I whirled and tossed around in bed. The sheets were curling around my feet, and the oversized pillow was constantly getting warm. I kept staring at the dark wooden door, seeing a different pattern every time. I swear I'm going to vomit if I look at that stupid door again. I sighed and let out a frustrated groan. This is completely ridiculous! I checked the clock on my phone and was not surprised. It's 2:50 in the morning. What is wrong with me? I haven't slept good for three whole days! Do you know how suffocating that is? I tell you, it's torture.

Although I do know why I can't sleep. Three days ago Arnold died. The doctors told me that he wasn't in pain when he died, and that he passed away with a rather happy smile. I've regained myself and I'm not so sad anymore, but it still feels like someone has been ripped out of my heart. Arnold's last words was that he wished Orion to be happy. I understand that. In an odd way I want that for him too. I don't why I'm feeling this, and I have no intention on dwelling on the thought either. This pathetic feeling of wanting this lonely man to be happy is a dangerous pathway I wish I could avoid. I think we all can agree that Orion has a special attitude towards me. Due to his rude behavior he deserves to rot in a dark hole as he watches me steal his car and precious home, but here I am hoping that he's ok. He's rude and arrogant, and probably thinks so low of me that one could think we're back in the 1800s where I was the households slave. Oppression, sexism, the whole package!

Since our very first meeting he's been unpredictable and unexpected. I never know if he's going to scream at me, or flirt with me! It's ridiculous that I know which one I prefer... Can you blame me? That man has the power to seduce anyone at any time. No doubt I will be dead by the time I've found my own place. On the other hand, why Orion loath me and (sometimes) seems to like me, is still unknown to me. I mean, do you remember when that sexy man kissed me?! He must like me a little bit to perform such an act, right? Or maybe I'm just fooling myself. After all, he just kissed me on the neck... People do things like that constantly without any reasons. Sometimes I feel his warm tender lips on the back of my neck where he so passionately kissed. It was magical, completely indescribable. However, it was merely a distraction to him, it meant nothing.

All the things considered, I don't like to think about how I feel when he touches me, because I know that he doesn't feel the same. He hates me and sometimes it's understandable. I honestly don't know anything about Orion, so it's naive of me to think this way.

I haven't spoken with Orion since Arnold's death. I've neither heard nor seen him for the whole week. Should I be worried? Orion lost his father, he must be utterly devastated and I'm sitting here doing nothing. I remember it like it was yesterday that I lost my parents. The memory still burns freshly in my mind even though it's been four years. I wanted to die with them, I thought that the meaning of life was completely gone. I hoped that the nightmare I was living was only a dream, but I quickly came to realize that it was real life. I don't wish that upon Orion. I really don't.

I hit a pillow in my face and screamed. No wonder I can't sleep! I'm using my full brain capacity to think when I really should be sleeping. "Ughh! I'm done!" I said standing up and walking to the big windows in my room. I gazed out and saw silver stars lighting up the black gloomy sky. Small snowflakes danced in the air like white feathers. I opened the window and felt the chilly air hitting my skin, creating shivers down my spine. I breathed slowly trying to find peace in the beautiful winter weather. Goosebumps creeped on my skin as small snowflakes landed on my arms.

Just when I came accustomed to the sound of calm wind and utter silence, I heard a terribly disturbing noise. Glass shattering roamed throughout the house. I turned to the dark wooden door and listened carefully for the sound to reappear. I quickly shrugged and went back to the peaceful wind. I'm probably so overtired that I'm hallucinating.