I'm Not Okay [UsUk]

Scent

Wednesday

"How many times have I told you to leave that fucking piano alone?! Can't you see what music has done to your mother? Do you want to end up the same as her?"

A dark silhouette of a man advanced towards Alfred, holding a book of sorts. A very familiar book, in fact. The unknown person showed the item to him for a brief moment, before ripping it apart and angrily throwing it onto the ground. Alfred couldn't see his face or feel him - there was just a haunting voice echoing all around him and surrounding him, making it so there was no escape.

"You're a worthless piece of shit! I can't wait to see you ending up homeless and going back to me begging for a place to live!"

There was a sound of a door slamming in the distance scaring the young boy who was already close to tears from the words that were being said. But the dark figure was still there, staring directly at him from above. He fell to the floor and started loudly crying, picking up the remaining pieces of the book which looked as if it slowly started disintegrating into thin air.

As he tried to save the last page, the boy heard a blurred voice shouting above him.

"I wouldn't care if you died right now!"

And then it disappeared.

Alfred woke up in a gasp for air, clutching the bedsheets within him as he looked around and blinked a couple of times, facing the real world once again. His entire body was shaking uncontrollably, but he tried to calm himself down by chanting the same sentence again and again, convincing himself he wasn't in danger.

"It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just... A dream." He shakily spoke, curling up to the sheets and trying to regain breath.

Once his mind was back to reality, his small, almost non-existent bit of rationality put the pieces together, realizing that it must had been somewhere around six in the afternoon judging by what the outside world looked like through the window. It certainly wasn't night, since he could see the bed next to his empty, and there was a faint sign of light coming from the hallway, which meant people were awake.

Apparently, he fell asleep at five as advised by Arthur after having a brief panic attack that tired him out to the limits. But a nap didn't help either, making him experience a terrifying and confusing nightmare that lead him to this moment in which he was right now. Sitting on the bed in perplexion, staring deeply into nothingness.

Soon enough, he snapped out of thoughts and threw a sideways glance at his phone that stood on the nightstand. Tapping on the screen, it showed one notification he didn't check yet. He decided to ignore it at the moment, having absolutely no strength to even look at the little device. Wordlessly, Alfred fell back down on the bed again as he let out a long exhale and closed his eyes.

With each day, his mind reminded him of everything horrible more and more, making him fall into an even worse state than he was already experiencing.

But he couldn't help it.

Why am I so pathetic?

- - -

Friday, December 1st

A new month had started, and Alfred wanted to immediately wipe out all terrible November memories from his mind. But not everything went according to plan.

He still wasn't aware that all the students knew about what he was going through, since Arthur and Matthew didn't tell him about that, and Gilbert and Elizabeta were decent enough to keep their mouth shut. They knew it would break him to find out how people were making jokes, rumours and untrue stories about him.