Heart Condition

Chapter Fifteen: Thoughts

When I stepped out of the sidecar, I looked up at Sasha.

            “So, how long has Cora had a crush on you?” I asked, barely trying to feign my suspicion.

            He smiled, looking down “Um, well, I wouldn’t say…”

            “You wouldn’t? Cause I would.”

            “Well,” He took my hand, smirking “Someone’s little green monster is showing.”

            I protested, “I’m not…It’s not…Damn you.” I tugged at my hem, and fidgeted; I didn’t have anywhere to hide my hands. I kept rubbing them against my sides, searching for a pocket to put them in. This dress was going to give me away.

            Walking inside, everyone was turning their heads to stare. I wasn’t breaking school policy, but this dress was shorter than I remembered; it made my legs look longer, and synched my waist, bringing out whatever curves I’d managed to hide underneath my sweaters.

            He was smug. When we reached my locker, he asked, “What’s it like, being jealous? Is it as painful as I imagine?”

            My mind wandered; did Sasha get jealous? I didn’t know. I tried to imagine something that would make him angry, and when I saw the lacrosse boys walking down the hall, a smile found it’s way to my lips.

            I turned, “It’s Noah Spellman asking me out on a date.” Sasha froze. I bit my lip, and left him standing in the hallway while I sauntered my way to class.

            I was a space cadet all day.

            My mind wandered from Sasha to Nellie to Cora and back again, with the occasional interruption of school and my words about Noah reverberating in my head. Was Sasha going to be upset about that? Did I want him to be upset? Did I really want him to be jealous?

            When I reached the door to English, Sasha stood outside, waiting for me.

            “You didn’t mean that, did you?” He asked, eyes locked on mine, “You don’t want to date Noah?”

            I walked into class, remaining silent as I sat down at my desk. Sasha continued.

            “Because I’ve been playing a scenario over and over again in my head where he walks up, asks you out on some date to a movie, you end up at Super Duper sharing a milkshake and making out at the counter.”

            Taking out my notebook, I smiled, “Am I detecting something? Jealousy, perhaps?”

            Sasha crouched down at my desk, glancing over at Terrio before starting “Abbie. I…I slept in your bed last night. Are you really going to play this game with me?” He reached for my hand, but I slid it under my desk, away form view.

            “Maybe.” I shrugged, not looking up “Take a hint.”

            Sasha looks up at the clock, and I can sense him calculating something. The amount of time it would take him to track down Noah, or how long he’d have to sit through me ignoring him all class. After a moment, he turned and walked to his desk. Slowly, he pulled out his iPod and started to scroll through without looking up.

            I closed my eyes, wondering what he was listening to in his frustration. Why did I have to say that? Why did I have to always do this to myself?