I Ezra Villacarlos wants you all to listen to the words of the millions of people who are suffering alone.
Well, good afternoon everyone! I've been sleepy all this time. I didn't get enough sleep last night. I only sleep 2-3hrs a day. Wanna know why? I actually hate myself for what I am right now. I've been thinking about a lot of things. I've spent hours and hours thinking and thinking about the things that keep on messing up my mind. My mistakes, my beliefs, and why I am here. I've been asking a lot of questions, I don't even know if I have any answers. These things are eating me away from the inside, and I can't get over it. I am always afraid! I feel afraid to be judged, misunderstood, and to be hated. I am afraid to act because maybe it's a wrong thing or a wrong way. I am always obsessed with every thoughts in my brain. What's wrong with me? What did I do? What did I just say? I am always afraid of what will you say, afraid of how I act, how I speak, and how I do everything. I sometimes think my friends don't really like me, and they're just tagging along 'cause I am alone and they pity me. If someone doesn't answer me urgently, I keep on thinking about a lot of negative thoughts. I get paranoid and the thoughts are rumbling inside my mind. I am sensitive! In every words, every stares, everything! For others it maybe silly, but for me it is serious. It is real to me. I am glued to my phone, I think I can't live without it. I keep on socializing with those who I don't know and those who don't really know me. Trying to act strong and act different from what I really am. I can see the edges of my friends and classmates, and they are better than me. They have high grades and they can participate in any activities. While, here I am trying and trying but going nowhere still. For I am useless and I can't achieve anything. I am happy! I am happy! Happy! Happy! Happy! that's what I wanna believe, what I tell myself. I want to be like one of you, so I pretend. Yet, I can't help it. My anxiety keeps on stopping me. I can't be happy. I am jealous! I am envious! Does it make me look bad? I am just insecure, someone who wants to be like you, like her, like him, and to be like someone who isn't me. I am living in the world of my imagination, trying to escape from this reality. I don't wanna accept this truth, because it's killing me! I feel like I can't do anything and, I think you may believe so too. If only you knew that I'm dying, I'm dying yet still kickin' for the reason that may not even exist. I want to sleep and rest like everyone else, but sleeping is hard for me. One wrong touch my fragile heart will turn to dust, and I am caught in my own trap. To end my words, I just wanna leave a quote "Don't judge me! You can't handle half of what I've dealt with. There is a reason I do the things I do, there is a reason I am who I am" Thank you.
