You Think I Hate You? (Larry Stylinson AU) Stepbrothers

Chapter 41

[Louis]

Once I had slammed my bedroom door shut behind me, I let myself fall on my bed, a frustrated grunt leaving my lips. Why couldn't Harry understand? I mean, I understood that he wanted us to be together. I wanted nothing else but to be with him too, but he knew how much my dad meant to me. He knew that I couldn't risk losing him. I also couldn't stand seeing Harry get so much hate.

All day, I had to watch how badly everyone treated him. If it wasn't in the hallway, it was in the classroom, and since we shared all of our classes, I witnessed it all. He had no idea how much it hurt me to see him get treated like that without being able to do anything about it, if I didn't want things to only get worse.

I listened to what Harry said about us soon leaving school, but it didn't matter. I wasn't sure if I could even last a week of seeing him get treated so badly. So, add these two factors together and you would understand why it was better if we weren't together. I mean, all odds were against us and they had always been. It was like we had started something we knew wouldn't work out in the end anyway.

It wasn't only Harry I was frustrated with. I was frustrated with myself for even thinking that we could be together in the first place. If I hadn't been so stupid to try showing him what he had done to me two years ago and also try finding out if he reciprocated my feelings, then none of this would have happened. Harry wouldn't have fallen for me and I would have just accepted that we would never be together.

Now things weren't like that, though, and I had done all these things I shouldn't have done, so basically, I was the only one to blame here. I shouldn't have made him fall for me in the first place because things would have been so much easier then.

The worst part - something I was ashamed to admit - was that I didn't regret the time Harry and I had spent together. To be honest, it had been some of the best weeks of my life. Maybe I should hit myself for even thinking that way, but I couldn't help it. I mean, sex with Harry was just... it was mind-blowing. It was definitely the best sex I'd ever had, and I'd had sex with a few people. Not to be mean, but Eleanor wasn't even half as good as Harry.

Speaking of the brown-haired girl, she had been another difficult matter today. She wasn't happy when she met me at my locker in the morning, she wasn't happy at all, but I didn't expect her to be either. I knew she had found out that I had basically been cheating on her, so I couldn't exactly expect something else. What did surprise me, however, was that she hadn't been as mad as I thought she would be. She was sad if anything, and to be honest, that was even worse than having her be upset with me.

I just didn't like feeling guilty. Usually, I was good at not feeling that way, but with Eleanor, it was just inevitable. We had known each other for more than two years and we had practically been together ever since then. We knew everything about each other, so how could I not feel guilty? Apart from my dad and Harry, she was the one who knew me best, so it hurt seeing her being sad by something I had caused and done. It was stupid of me to fake date her when I knew that I would feel guilty about it afterward.

What Harry had been right about was that I hadn't received nearly half as much hate as he had. Sure, my friends had pretty much ignored me during the entire day and shot me a few disgusted looks, but that was only predictable. Jimmy had made a snide remark on the bus too, but I had expected more. Maybe it was due to my reputation, that I was known for being a 'bad boy', and that people were afraid of treating me the way they treated Harry because of that, but that was a bad excuse if so. It wasn't like I was riskier to bully than Harry.

Something that surprised me was the way I had reacted to everything. A few months ago when I was afraid of just being seen together with the curly-haired lad, I would have probably played along with his bullies and even laughed and made fun of him myself, but that wasn't the case anymore. I didn't know if it was because of the fact that I was more grown-up and mature now or if it was because I knew how much I loved him. I leaned towards the latter because I couldn't even picture myself hurting Harry that way any longer. I loved him way too much to even think about it.