I don't know why I love you..

1:(: ''three is a magic number''

It must sting to have your heart shattered twice. Not one traitor but two. Not one heart ache but two. Not one loss but two. Well then, my dad got that. Two women in his life one moment, gone the next.

On the bright side he wasn't left alone. He's got two sources of happiness. Jace and I.

I'm Tía. Call me T and I won't resort to disliking you. I don't like many people. There are the odd three or four I'll call friends but otherwise I don't really like associating myself with the wreck of society that there is. I'm the first half of my dad's happiness.

Jace is my half- brother and he's the second half of dad's happiness, but my lack of family commitment from myself, means Jace is probably the only cause for happiness when it comes to my dad.

My mom left my dad when I was born because she couldn't cope with the stress of having me for a child.

Jace's mom ran away and when she came back a year later, was engaged to another man. She said she wanted nothing to do with us and ran off to live in New Zealand with her lover.

Jace didn't get why his own mom would do that, he's still getting used to being motherless.

I guess her departure made me realise how important Jace is. He's younger than me by two years but you can't tell because he's extremely mature both physically and mentally. Its nice being around someone who gets what I'm going through, we are there for each other and it just works. I think of him as my best friend because he gets life and we share the same views on everything so it's not hard to get along. My friends don't know how hard it is coping without a mother figure in your life but Jace does because he loves his mother more than anything even after what she put him through. My dad tries to understand me but he can't. I'm a moody teenage girl confused about everything and he is a depressed, old man trying to support two kids and himself by himself. Not that he has much choice.

I wish I didn't live with my dad. I wish he had given me up for adoption when my mom walked out and then that way neither of us would be so mentally wounded, I'd never have to wonder where my real mom was. She could be anywhere. I could've sat next to her on a bus or bumped in to her in the street, I mean she could even be my teacher. She could be anyone and we wouldn't even know. I would be brought up thinking another American was my mom and then I would be happier. My dad works hard to support Jace and I but he can barely keep himself together. I want things that I can't have and my dad wants me to have them but can't let me. My life is fucked up.

Despite the lack of bonding between my dad, Jace and I keep him going. He wants us to have the best life he can give us and he works hard at it. I am glad that Jace and I can encourage him to do that. Sometimes I believe that without Jace and I, my dad wouldn't be here.

Us three works sometimes. My dad works late and doesn't interfere with Jace and I. Me and Jace try to do well in school so that when we go off and get married to someone and have kids they don't have to live like us. And we know how to bargain our way through life.

My dad likes to save things. Memories. Money. He saves the money he makes so that we don't end up in 'financial decline'. He uses the bare minimum but occasionally he spends a lot on something that me and Jace will benefit from.

Hence I am a dancer.

Jace is a swimmer.

That's our hobbies. Our things. We work hard at it. We compete for it and we do well in it so that our dad is proud.

I want my dad to be happy. I want to be a cause for his happiness because even though I'd be better off elsewhere my dad is trying. And I don't thank him enough but I really do appreciate it and him, usually.

It was through dancing that I met Austin. He's my boyfriend and saviour and he stole my heart the day I met him. He's 17 but coached the A team in Dance. My team. That's how good he is. He's your typical country boy. Tall, lean, wears flannels and cowboy hats. Likes horse riding but also likes dance, surprisingly.

We are both contemporary dancers. He taught me some of his signature moves and then I taught him some of mine and we became friends. He asked me out to come horse riding with him and it made me feel special. That's when we started dating.

Austin is one of the sources of my happiness. He's like Jace. He gets life and he gets me and he likes me for who I am. I like him too. So it works. We know when to be together and when to give each other a break and he doesn't jump in too fast. He believes relationships should be about being with someone who makes you happy in general. Not just makes you happy one night in a bed or some other shit then disappears the next day.

The other two sources of my happiness, well most of the time, are Ansell and Paige.

It's always been us three. From kindergarten to high school we have been friends. Especially Ansell. Paige changed this year - sophomore year. She joined cheer and is always preoccupied with it. I remember when Paige and I used to hate cheerleaders and jocks because they thought they were cool just because they had the power to pick on people due to their popularity, but she obviously craved the limelight too and ditched Ansell and I for it.

Ansell was my first ever friend. He's been through everything with me but even after all these years he doesn't get me. I can't talk to him like I talk to Austin or Jace. I just know that no matter what I do he has my back and I guess everyone needs a friend who's always there for them. That's what Ansell is... my rock.

I don't believe in omens or superstitions or luck but I guess you could say three is my lucky number:

Three of us at home.

Three of us since kindergarten.

Three of us who get life.

It works, my life that is, although I don't know how long it will work for but right now I'm fine keeping on like this, I have everything I need.