I'm better alone what does it, idk if it means the same for everyone else as it is to me.
So for me I'm better alone means I'm am better alone, better single ,better self when I'm alone.
I guess that's is only when I don't really body shame myself or feel uncomfortable with myself.
In front of others I feel there is nothing in me that matters to other.
I'm bloody useless, creep and annoying.
So when it did really started off....
I thought about it a lot....
So here it is...
When I was about the age of 11 in class 5.
I was probably the only one who hadn't had any friends.
All by myself alone, no one to talk to.
No one to share my feelings with, but that didn't really affected me because I loved being alone alone.
I was basically in love with myself, in love with what I did.
What I wore, how I used to talk.
Not like talked useless or anything bad but still I used to love that all.
I used to love my parents, even my sister.
It was all me and my family.
Well as you see not everything in this life is meant for your good will.
This thing also didn't last for long.
So after all that being unfriendly, I switched at making friends.
In class 6, I made friends and not only made friends, I made connections.
Well, I was soo happy as well as cheered up.sorta I was
I didn't really intended in making friends at first place.
The chats, chittar pittar.
That was what made all of us friends as a whole.
It was great though, life was still stable.
But then one fine day,
There came a boy( don't worry he's isn't my bf)
His name well lets call him max.( I can't disclose his name)
Well me and him used to be friends when we were in class 3.
He and me used to sit together in class 3, we were used to be the best of friends.
In class 4 he changed, well he used to be like an asshole from the very beginning,but I didn't mattered to me until in class 6.
When I was in 6th, it was soo long for me to have spoken to him.So I thought that when I have started making friends why don't just talk to him again.
I talked to him,but what I got back was something I NEVER thought I would.
He said I'm sorry we can't be friends anymore because your an elephant and I can't afford myself to be friends with you.
All I felt was sick, hopeless and idk what I felt.
I still hear those words, I can't really forget those words.
They were like pins that were pinned to my heart.
My friends,well it's one of those things I didn't told to anyone.(a secret)
So there was all me fighting against that.
You might ask why am I soo sad and all that.
But hey I was just 12 how could I just be normal.
When people at the age of 17 or even more than that, couldn't handle things like that,how could I.
Even though how bad badass you might be, internally you know how much it hurts.
It was all that.
That was when I thought that, I'm better alone for the second time.
Guess it's better and is still better.
ahhh end of the first chapter.
Ik I suck!
