this shit is so fucking dumb like what even
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The year is 1912. The RMS Titanic had begun it's maiden voyage after departing from Southampton. The massive, imposing ship housed hundreds of passengers, eager to embark on a voyage aboard one of the most impressive ships of the time. The ship's passengers were attending a party, and two of the crew members were conversing nearby.
"She's beautiful." one man said.
"Who?" the other asked. "The girl reading this?" (sorry, I had to)
"No, the ship." the first man responded. "Two years of construction went into the Titanic. It is truly a masterpiece. Would you agree?"
"I would." the other man said. After their brief discussion, the two men returned to the party and joined the wine snobs, so they could get drunk and do whatever dumb shit drunk 1910's men do. After some time, the men were as drunk as ever.
"Y'know...what would be reeeeeeeeally funny?" one of the men said. "If...if this ship...and some big ass iceberg got together and fucked...that would be...hooooo, that'd be a doozy..." The other drunk crew member suddenly had a idea. He stumbled through the ship and made his way to where the captains were located. The captains were embroiled in an intense discussion.
"I'm not lying!" one of them said.
"It's implausible." another said. "A teenager is, by all means, incapable of producing such vile literature."
"It's true, though!" the first one said. "I walked in on my son, and he was writing a story where a lass performs perverted sexual acts on a container of crispy potatoes!"
"You're out of your mind." the other one said.
"I swear, I'm not making this up!" the first said. "I looked through his writings, and I saw a story about a homosexual British pilot pleasuring herself with a banana! I even read one where he..."
"He what?" the second captain asked.
"I can't even bear to think about it." he said. "He...forgive me for saying this, but he pleasures himself with male genitalia inside of a diner!" At that moment, the drunk crewman burst through the door.
"Gentlemen!" he yelled, albeit incredibly slurred. "Are there any...icebergs nearby?"
"Yes, there is." the captain said, clearly agitated. "But why are you-" The drunk crewman shoved him aside and grabbed the wheel of the ship, steering it towards the iceberg.
"Have you gone mad?" the captain said.
"Nah." the drunk crewman said "Just tryna hook these two lovebirds up." Words could not describe the look of pure shock and confusion on the captain's face. He quickly got to his feet and rushed to the wheel, but it was too late. The Titanic rushed towards the massive iceberg; there was no steering clear. The massive ship began to fuck...uhh, collide with the iceberg. The captain tried to turn the ship away, but the iceberg only tore deeper into the ship.
"That iceberg is causing a lot of damage!" the captain yelled.
"Yeah, he's raw doggin' it!" the crewman yelled. As the iceberg tore into the Titanic's walls, the ship began to moan....uhh, I mean sound it's alarms as the damage only increased. After the iceberg was finished fuck-tearing apart the ship, it began to climax-I mean, it began to split apart. The ship's love juices...no, passengers began to fall into the water.
"Mayday!" the captain yelled. "Everyone into the lifeboats! Women and children first!" Every passenger still aboard rushed towards the lifeboats, hoping to flee to safety. The crewman, too intoxicated to understand what was happening, ran towards the iceberg.
"Dude, you went in!" he yelled. He reached out his hand to high five the iceberg, only to stumble and fall into the freezing cold water below. As the ship began to slowly sink into the ocean, the captain finally realized what the crewman was talking about earlier when he steered the ship towards the iceberg.
"Sick bastard." he thought to himself, as he slowly became submerged in the frigid water, just like the ship itself.
I guess you could say, the Titanic got fucked to death.
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I am truly sorry
up next: god idfk
