You Will Be My Ruin

Chapter 3

Ahad

'Are you okay?' she asked me, her sweet voice filled with worry.

Her sudden voice brought me back from the reverie. I shot a quick glance at her, my body shivering. To my surprise, she was stunningly beautiful. Though her hair was covered in a scarf, I didn't miss the chance of looking at her beautiful face. She had delicate features, almond brown eyes, a fine nose, and pink lips. A tint of pink was found on her cheeks.

'Yes,' I managed to say in a low whisper. 'I guess I am.'

'Guess?' She snorted with a laugh. It was surprising for me to see her laugh. I thought she would be quite serious. 'So you're not sure what happened to you?'

'No, errr...' I hesitated, looking down at my wobbly fingers. 'Actually, my dad... he just got a heart attack.'

'Oh, I'm so sorry.' Pain washed over her face as she looked at me.

'He's fine now though. The doctor's said that he has recovered. I'm going back home to see him.'

'Where are you from?' she asked, her voice slow.

'Karachi.'

A small smile spread across her lips. 'My parents were also from Karachi.'

'Were?' I was taken aback. 'Where are they now?'

'They died in a car accident a few years ago.'

'I'm sorry for your loss.' For a moment, I felt bad for her. Living a life without parents must have been so hard for her. I couldn't even bear to imagine what would it be like. However, at the same time, I felt happy to have found out that she also belonged from Pakistan. She was a Pakistani just like me.

'I just hope they're in a better place now.' She sighed.

'So, you're a Pakistani,' I nodded.

'Um, yes.'

'Me too. Where do you live here?' I asked her out of curiosity.

'I live here with my Chaacha and Chaachi. They adopted me right after my parents' death.'

I nodded, considering her situation.

'You're lucky you have your family. I know what it feels like living with someone else and pretending they're your family when in reality they're not,' she said, looking out the window.

'You may think I'm lucky but I don't think I am.'

'Why not?' she asked, looking back at me.

'Despite having a family of my own, I've always felt alone, secluded. My dad is fonder of my elder brother. I think he feels ashamed to call me as his son.'

'Why do you think like that?' she grimaced.

'I've never made him proud. Never made him happy. My elder brother is the perfect son for him. I'm the opposite. He brings him happiness and I bring him sadness, shame. He has always stood first in every class whereas I passed with average marks. He's obedient, compromising, resilient but I'm not. I'm reckless. I have always disappointed him.'

'So what? You have your own personality. Stop comparing yourself to your sibling. You're as loved as him. For parents all children are alike. Their love for them remains the same. Your dad may not express but deep down he really loves you.'

'I wish I could believe you but I don't. Right now, he may be in pain but I know I've caused him more pain. I wish I could change that. I wish I could also make him proud.'

'How old are you? Like twenty?' she asked, grimacing.

'Um, no. Why?' I asked, raising a brow. I wondered why I looked older to her. 'I'm eighteen.'

'You're still a teenager, a teenager, right? You still have lots of time to prove your abilities to your father. Why do you talk like a loser already? Cut yourself some slack and relax.'

'I don't think I'll ever be able to reach where my brother is. He's far better than me. I can't top him.'

'You don't even need to. You have to make your own place.'

I sighed and looked outside the window, considering what she said. She may have said the right thing that I had my own place and I still had time to prove my worth in front of my parents, especially dad. Perhaps I had to be easy on myself and stop living in misery.

'Do not underestimate yourself. Think about the good things inside you. The things that make you happy. Things you're good at. Be positive about yourself.'

'I'll try,' I told her.

'Good.' She smiled for a bit and then leaned back on her seat.

'Btw, I just turned eighteen today.'

'Really?'

'Haan. Itna bada lagta hun kya?' I asked, snorting with a laugh.

'Um, no,' she said, her cheeks turning red. 'I didn't mean that.'

I smiled in response and looked away. Hence, it was confirmed she could understand Urdu.

'So, it's your birthday today,' she said after a small pause.

'Yeah.'

'Did you celebrate?'

'Well, yeah I did, with my roommates back in the dorm but the news of my father having a heart attack shook me. So I'm here. Trying to catch the flight. Hoping to reach home on time.'

'Oh, okay,' she mumbled and then looked away, pursing her lips.

'Oh, btw, I'm Ahad.' I held out my hand so we could shake hands.

She looked at my hand for a while before she met my eyes again. I could see suspicion in them. Perhaps she did not trust me enough.

I raised a brow, my hand still held out in the air.

'I'm Mira,' she said with a smile but she did not shake hands with me.

Disappointed, I withdrew my hand and then nodded at her.

'It's nice to meet you, Mira.'

'Me too, Ahad.'

I inhaled a breath and then looked away from her. Perhaps this was the end of our conversation. I did not know what else I should talk to her about. What if she is not interested to talk to me any more?

'Parents ko miss kerti ho?' I asked her, after a while.

A long silence ensued between us.

'Bohat,' she whispered, still looking out the window.

'Btw, main tumse kuch puch sakta hun? Where are you going at this odd hour?' I asked, thinking why I hadn't asked her this question earlier.

A shadow of distress passed across her face and she narrowed her brows.

'I'm... I'm going to Manchester. To meet my grandmother. She lives there,' she said in pauses.

'At this time? All alone? Have you seen the weather outside? It could be dangerous to go out all by yourself. You're a girl and...'

'No, it's fine!' she snapped back. 'Everything's fine. I'll manage.'

'I wonder how your family allowed you to travel at this time.'

'That's not your concern,' she said curtly. 'Apne kaam se kaam rakhein, please.'

I kind of felt offended by her cold reply so I decided not to bother her again. I adjusted my bag on the seat and then laid my head on top of it. I could feel her eyes on me but I didn't look her way. With the images of my family in my mind, I closed my eyes and tried to catch some sleep.