Petty Little Beatles

Act II: Scene v

On the plane, Tom felt an emotion it seemed he had not felt in a while. It was not something new. It was rather familiar, come to think of it. It was something he had not felt recently, but he felt it almost as soon as the plane had lifted into the air.

He almost thought it was homesickness. He had let the thought fall away. No, he was not missing home; no, no, he already did miss Kay and the boys, but that was not related to this old and familiar emotion.

He had already played one local show, so it was not nerves when it came to touring. Beside him, Mike Campbell had somehow fallen asleep. Good for him. Behind Tom, he could hear Benmont Tench and Stan Lynch talking about something or other - probably something to do with chicks. Good for them. And, behind them, Ron Blair was quiet. Perhaps, he had fallen asleep, too. And that was good, Tom supposed.

Not homesickness, not nerves...Then, what was it? Tom had to wonder. He let the thought pace itself out, as a waitress came up with a water for him. He thanked her and returned to his thoughts. He did miss Kay, and George and John and Paul and Ringo.

He was afraid.

Ah, yes, there it was, the bombshell. He was afraid...of something. He wasn't sure what, but he was not going to let it bother him. He pushed the thought to the side and closed his eyes in a vain attempt at sleep. He could not get any rest for the bearing, nagging burn of thought bit at his brain. He opened his eyes, glanced at the window at the sky and the odd smallness of the city below him.

Afraid of what?

He did not have a clue, but he still thought about it. What was he possibly afraid? Of the boys dying somehow while he was away? Okay, yes, but that had not been the sole origin of his fear...

Kay. Something to do with Kay.

Tom sighed. Why would he be afraid of her? She was his wife, and the last thing on earth he would fear. Still, he knew it had something to do with her. But what?

He was thinking, wondering, questioning. His water vanished within seconds. Outside, the sky was a bright blue, and he supposed it was beautiful. It was, then again, just the sky. He smiled. He was procrastinating from thinking about his fear, but those thoughts returned quickly enough.

What, exactly, was he afraid of?

Kay. Her name flashed into his thoughts again. He scowled. He was not afraid of her.

"Tom!"

"Hm?" He turned around.

Stan looked at him. "I was wondering if you wanted a cracker." He held one up.

Tom almost laughed. He smiled. "I'm fine." He turned back around.

Stan said, "Well, if you want any, tell me."

"I'll make sure of it, Stanley."

"You better."

"Damn sure, Stanley."

Tom could hear Benmont and Stan cracking up, but he was not in the mood for laughter. Instead, he had returned to his thoughts of fear and Kay.

He knew it was much worse than the doubt he had felt...and, oh look, now, he felt a pinch of that, too. He closed his eyes, seeing only darkness, but he could still hear his thoughts, his wild and wondering thoughts. His mind traveled down one street then the the next, going farther and farther down, down, down. He explored each and every possibility, and he nearly quivered with fear.

Then, one thought hit him, directly from the blue.

He was afraid of Kay cheating.

He shook his head. That was stupid, utterly preposterous. Never, in all their five years together, had she gone out with other men. She wouldn't, simply would not. Besides, he had been on tour before, and he had never had this doubt before.