Deadpan - Bennoda

Chapter Thirteen

Mike and I dropped Sage off at his hotel before heading back to my apartment. I was anxious to talk to Mike about what happened and it not being his fault, but I decided to wait until we got back to my place. The drive was silent, I assumed he didn't really know what to say or what to talk about. At least the silence wasn't tense or awkward, it just felt natural. We were used to being quiet in each other's company because of how much time we've spent together, we've gotten used to not having anything to say, but being around each other was enough.

"Where do you want me to sleep for the night?" Mike asked after we entered the apartment and I decided now was the best time to talk to him rather than later.

"We'll figure it out in a little bit, can I talk to you though?" I was almost begging, knowing how stubborn Mike could be sometimes and he clearly didn't want to talk about this earlier. He nodded, although, and I sat down on the couch, patting the spot next to me for him to sit down, which he did.

"What is it? Did something happen?" He asked, quickly assuming the worst more than likely. It wasn't unusual for Mike to jump to conclusions, sometimes it was fun to see how his brilliant mind works.

"No, I just really need to convince you that what happened wasn't your fault," I said and he sighed deeply, beginning to get off the couch. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back to his seat, not wanting him to leave in the middle of our conversation. "Mike, seriously, it's not. I talked to Sage, he said he was arguing just as much as you were with him and it's not his fault either. It's not yours, his, or mine, just the creep who did it."

"It's just so hard for me to see it that way, Chaz. I feel horrible about it, that wasn't how the day was supposed to go. We shouldn't have even been fighting in the first place, we're just jealous of each other and we let it get to our heads," He explained and I nodded understandingly. "I can't help but think that if I didn't love you so much, it wouldn't have happened."

"Well... you know what? I wouldn't trade your love for anything, even if it meant that never would've happened," I confessed and he seemed shocked by what I had said, which it shouldn't have, unless he thought I didn't really love him. I had been spending more time with Sage than him, but I've felt guilty about it everyday. "Mike, you know I love you too, right?"

"I don't know," He muttered, I appreciated his honesty. "I mean, I know you've said it before, I just... I can't help but feel that you love Sage more than you love me."

"Mike, look... I love you both, so, so, very much, but you've always known me better than Sage ever has. You're more in touch with my emotions than he is, it took our music for him to realize that there was more to me than what meets the eye, but you always just assumed there was, you never needed clarification of that. You always knew how to help me when I was breaking apart and you were the one who fixed my heart - the one that Sage broke," I sighed. "You both mean different things to me, but I love you both nonetheless. It's what makes this whole thing so tricky, it's hard to pick between the two people I love most in the world."

"I'm sorry I've been stuck up my ass with guilt," He apologized, but he didn't need to, it was nice to hear he wasn't blaming himself anymore though. "It's just so stressful watching you love someone else, but I know Sage feels the same way when you're with me."

"Don't apologize for anything, Mike," I kissed his cheek lovingly and smiled at him. Looking into his warm, brown eyes, I found my heart reaching out to him. "As for where to sleep tonight, you can sleep next to me in my bed, plenty of space for two."

"Has Sage ever slept there?" He asked softly and I hesitated before nodding. He grimaced, "Anything more than sleep...?"

"No, no, no," I quickly reassured him and he gave me a small smile and shrugged.

"Okay, then I suppose there's no harm."

"What? You think that even if we did, I wouldn't clean it up? Michael, you should know me better than that!" I exclaimed with a fake, exasperated gasp. He chuckled and rolled his eyes, but suddenly grew serious as he brought both of his hands to either side of my cheeks and pulled my face towards his, stopping just before our lips could touch.

"Is it okay if I kiss you?" He asked and my heart felt like it was flipping around in my chest as I eagerly nodded, craving him after not being able to kiss him for a while. He didn't waste another moment and met me the rest of the way, our lips meeting. His hands drifted away from my face and went around my waist, pulling me onto his lap, his arms circling around me in a warm, loving embrace. It felt so right being with him. He broke the kiss and I was slightly disappointed it didn't last longer. "It's getting late, should we call it a night? Sage and I have to go to the police station in the morning, so we should get some sleep."

"Yeah, sure thing," I smiled and we separated to independently get ready for bed. I ended up in my room first and laid under the covers, ready for sleep to take me after a long, obnoxious day. I felt the mattress dip and Mike spooned me, his head between my shoulder and neck. He kissed my neck softly, which sent a shiver through me and went back to his cuddling position.

"Goodnight, Chaz, I love you."

"Goodnight, I love you too, Mikey."