state of grace | fillie

chapter thirteen | the confessions.

i'm really sorry for not updating in so long!!! ive been working on other stuff and yeah sorry

ALSO ! go read "maybe, just maybe" by keery_harrington. it's a fillie story and it's really really good. it's incredibly underrated and it'd mean a lot if all of you could go check it out!

thanks !

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finn sat alone in his quiet room. the room was quite dark, as the main source of light was coming from his. computer screen. he was having yet another one of those days. a day where one feels like nothing is worth it. when you're bored out of your mind and wish you could just sleep for years.

fortunately for the boy a thing called the internet exists and he was watching funny cat videos in an attempt to cheer himself up. of course it wasn't an amazing solution, but it did give him a little bit of entertainment on a bad day.

minutes turned into an hour and that hour turned into two hours. poor finn was a bit lonely and bored stiff. he decided to turn his computer off and go outside for awhile. he thought the sight of one more cat would make him fall over dead.

he grabbed a green bomber jacket from a small closet in the hallway, then slipped on his grey adidas sneakers. he let his mother know he was going out and then he headed for the door.

finn took a deep breath of fresh air when he stepped into the great outdoors. there was something about being outside that just made him happy. the feel of cold autumn air on his skin, hearing the birds singing, seeing the trees sway in the wind. how could you not enjoy being outside?

suddenly a desire hit him. he wanted to see millie. he didn't know why all of a sudden he was craving to see his friend. it simply came over him.

"i wish i knew where she lived." the boy thought to himself. he frowned and took a few deep breaths.

after awhile of puttering around in his front yard, he decided to walk to the park. he knew the walk would be good exercise and it would be a nice little outing.

he kicked a small stone as he walked along the recently paved road. it would've been a reletively warm day if the wind hadn't been blowing. the cold wind kept finn's nose and cheeks very frosty.

the boy thought about many things as he walked along. although he mainly thought about millie. she made him feel things that he'd never experienced before. finn had a crush or two before millie but his feelings toward her were much different than an ordinary crush. it felt like his heart swelled to the size of a bowling ball just thinking about her.

as he got to the vacinity of the park, sounds of happy carefree children could be heard. finn sighed deeply. he missed the days of being a young kid that was always happy. even though he was usually quite optimistic he still felt sad a lot. he always thought that his life would be better if he didn't stutter.

finn mainly looked down at his shoes while walking through the park. that is until he heard the sound of many birds chirping and squawking. he looked around until he saw a young brunette girl sitting on a bench and throwing bread crumbs to the pigeons.

it only took him a matter of seconds to realize it was millie. he gasped and smiled as he briskly started to walk over to where she was at.

millie always had good ears. she could hear someone approaching her. she lifted her head up and saw finn walking to her with a giant grin. she also smiled at the sight of her best friend. and then the feeling started again. the tingly one deep down in her gut. she swallowed hard and her hands started to get very sweaty.

"h-h-h-h-hi." finn said nervously. he was always a bit anxious around millie, this was the worst it had ever been. for some reason he felt like he could barely talk.

"wh-w-what a-are y-y-y-you doing h-h-h-here?" he asked.

of course millie couldn't tell her the truth. she couldn't tell him that she went to the park to escape her father's brutality. or could she? for the first time in her life she was thinking of telling the truth about her father.

"nothing." she muttered.

finn sighed and quickly tried to think of conversation topics.

"s-s-s-s-so, how a-are-are y-you?" he replied. he knew it was a bad question but it was all he could think of.

"i'm fine."

a couple seconds later something hit millie. she just felt like she needed to get it off her chest, the burden she had been carrying for so long.

"actually, i'm not fine. my life is fucked up and always has been fucked up."

finn's mouth went slightly agape. ever since he met her he could tell she had some deep dark secret although he didn't realize it was so severe.

"my dad..." millie paused in the middle of her sentence. she felt tears in her eyes. "abuses me... i know that i'm gonna be fucked up for the rest of my life cause of that cunt."

by the time she finished speaking, tears where streaming down her face like water dripping out of a faucet. finn gently wrapped his arms around her petite torso and pulled her into a soft hug. when he first touched her she jolted slightly. she did not like people to randomly touch her but she knew finn would never hurt her.

poor finn didn't really know what to do. his best friend just told him that her father abused her. it was a terrible feeling knowing that there wasn't really anything he could do about it.

"i'm sorry... if you don't wanna be friends anymore, that's okay." millie said through tears.

"m-m-m-millie, i'll al-alw-a-a-always w-want to b-b-b-b-be your fr-friend." the tall boy answered.

millie's heart melted a bit at his answer. she broke free from his hug and then situated herself sideways on the small bench. she curled up into a ball like position and rested her head on finn's lap. he was a bit weary at first although he knew millie needed comfort, and he would do anything for his friend.

finn placed a hand on her cheek and gently stroked it with his thumb. millie felt her eyes getting heavy, a mixture of crying extremely hard and getting four hours of sleep. she decided to close her eyes and just take deep breaths for awhile.

before finn knew it, his best friend had fallen asleep with her head in his lap. his thighs were getting quite tired however he didn't want to wake her. she looked really peaceful, something that he assumed didn't happen to her very often.

at that moment the only thing that mattered was millie.