Repairing my universe. (ON HOLD)

two

I don't remember what happened after everything went black. All I know is that I woke up in a room. I was lying in a big bed with olive green sheets. My head was buzzing. I had the worst headache and I felt a peculiar sting in between my thighs. My subconscious was looking at me with horror while hiding behind the couch. I quickly pulled the sheets away from my body. I only had my bra on. I felt so dirty, so indecent. I could not hold back the tears that threatened my eyes. I still felt a little bit dizzy but I sat up anyways. My head was spinning and spinning, everything in the room was going in circles all around me making me even more groggy. I shut my eyes closed and reopened them again failing to stop everything from going in circles. I tried standing but I stumbled on my feet and fell back down on the bed. I took a deep breath and tried again. After three attempts, I finally stood, I looked down to my legs, mainly because I was so embarrassed for what happened to me in my unconsciousness, but also because I felt something sticky on my thighs. I gasped in horror and covered my mouth with my hand to stop me from yelling. When I looked at my thighs, there were blood, dried blood. I looked back to the bed. There was blood on the sheets too. The tears were now streaming down my face. I have never been so humiliated in my entire life. It is much worse than being bullied. I should know.

This cannot be happening to me. I thought.

I wanted to leave. I wanted to run as far as I could. I wanted to hide from this cruel, fucked up world.
It is hard enough when you're not accepted by neither your family or the people surrounding you. When violation happens, whether the victim is a female or a male, something inside them breaks. They get instantly depressed. They feel alone. They feel weak and hopeless. I, personally felt dead. My cheerful spirit died a million deaths, my happy thoughts were invaded by negativity. I am emotionally dead and there's no one to help me.

I wanted to just go home and be in the safety of my room. So I put on my black leggings and my gray shirt and ran out the door. I didn't care to look for Angela, I didn't care if people were looking at me like I'm some kind of maniac, I just wanted to leave. I was desperate. I kept running and running towards home. I felt the ache in my legs as they were getting tired from all the unexpected exercise but I did not give in, I did not stop. My house was about 40 minutes away from that other house and I ran until my feet stomped on the concrete steps of my house. I didn't have my key with me so I lifted the rug that was in front of me to get the emergency key from beneath it. I opened the front door and hurried inside closing it behind me and locking it.

To avoid my mother's inquisitions, I ran up the stairs and went inside my baby blue colored room. I closed the door behind me and leaned my back on it, after a beat, I slid down the door until I reached the floor. I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged my legs, shutting my eyes tightly while tears were now rolling down my cheeks once again, trying to erase the last few hours. I felt like a hundred years passed and I was still in the same position, now calmed down, I decided to get up and clean myself. I went to my dresser and looked for my pajama pants and shirt, and some underwear. I got into the bathroom closing the door and locking it. I undressed my short body in a quick movement and stepped inside the shower. I opened the faucet and cold water started to slowly wet my body. I stood there still, not knowing what to do anymore. I was overwhelmed. I felt as though I would never be clean again. That is the reason I didn't know what to do anymore, how can you clean something that isn't cleanable?

I washed myself as clean as I could, but I still felt like I was swimming in mud. I stepped out of the shower when my skin started to get wrinkles. I dried my body and put on my pajamas. I quickly brushed my teeth full of hideous train tracks. I put my hair up in a bun and went to bed. As I lay there looking at the ceiling, I couldn't stop thinking about what happened, though I don't remember it while it was happening, or what they did to me exactly. I felt worthless. Helpless. Wrong. I felt alone, and for real this time. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, I hadn't cried so much in my life. I didn't have anyone to talk to. All my "friends" simply spoke to me because they felt sorry for me or because they're waiting for me to do something stupid to embarrass me. Those are not friends, but I was too scared to be alone in school. Who will I tell about this horrible experience? Oh yeah, that's right, no one...

I cried myself to sleep that night and I hoped I didn't wake up any time soon, so I wouldn't have to face reality and what happened. It disappoints me to say that... I did wake up the next day.

~ N O T E ? ~

Well, hello! I hope you're liking this story so far guys.

This book is based on my life. It is my first time writing about something so personal and actually letting people read it so, please bear with me, will you?

NOT everything is written exactly how it happened, I'm mixing my personal life and my imagination in this book. Though, the experience that I wrote about in this chapter and the one before, were completely real. And how Delilah felt afterwards, is how I personally felt. Getting to know Delilah is basically getting to know me, Nicole.

Why didn't I put my own name?
Well, because there are things that didn't happen how I will write them and I feel it is easier to think that Delilah is a stranger to me and that she's going through what I went through and that maybe she will be happy someday. Does that make sense? I don't know. But still, I haven't found happiness and I hope I find it soon enough. As for Delilah, I would like for her to be happy and to be loved, so that's where my imagination kicks in.

I hope you enjoy this and I hope I can be of some help for girls going through something similar, or just depression in general. Feel free to private message me anytime :). Maybe we can help each other through this difficult thing...

OKAY OKAY OKAY!

I'm done now.

Good day, mate!