She Gave up

Three.

"Much of my life had been devoted to trying not to cry in front of people who loved me. You clench your teeth. You look up. You tell yourself that if they see you cry, it will hurt them, and you will be nothing but a Sadness in their lives, and you must not become a mere sadness, so you will not cry, and you say all of this to yourself while looking up at the ceiling, and then you swallow even though your throat does not want to close and you look at the person who loves you and smile." - The fault in our stars.

~~~

One -

"Hey Stella, you know what I would love?" Amy asked as she sat on her hospital bed.

"What?" I mumbled, texting on my phone as I sat facing her on a chair.

"If you wouldn't wear black on my funeral."

I dropped my phone, and I remember it even cracking it's screen.

And I stared at her, and she stared back with complete seriousness and honesty.

''

I looked up at the ceiling in my room and groaned. My vision blurring up again as I felt a lumb in my throat, and a rather painful one.

God, I miss her.

Why did yo have to do this Amy? Why did you just go like that?

Come to think of it, you always thought about it didn't you?

You never lied when you began to prepare your funeral.

You already knew it was either cancer or suicide that would conquer you, didn't you?

My gaze fell on the picture of the both of us at a party, the day she was announced cancer free. The day we thought it was over and we had won.

But it wasn't over and three month later, the cancer was back.

And Amy never made it to the second week in the hospital.

"I miss you." my voice cracked, echoing in the empty room, my gaze locked on the picture.

I need my best friend back.

I squeezed my eyes shut, clutching my stomach in one hand and clamping the other on my mouth, keeping my furious sobs from echoing in the whole house.

Two -

"Just listen to me Jordan!"

I walked in on Amy and her brother, obviously fighting as Jordan paced in the room, his fist balled up while Amy struggled with the IV stuck in her arms when she tried to move.

"What's wrong guys?"

I remember Jordan's eyes when he turned and faced me. They were bloodshot red. He was certainly trying not to cry or he was seriously angry. Or maybe both.

"She's crazy. She's fucking crazy!" He yelled, making me flinch.

"I'm not crazy! I'm just dealing with reality!" She yelled back.

That's when I saw Jordan snap and yell at his sister for the first time in my life.

His voice was stern, loud, hurt and angry, reflecting every emotion in him "No one deals with reality by planning their own funeral when they still have a chance to live!"

''

I couldn't take it anymore, I stood up and stumbled to my balcony. I harshly shoved the glassy door open and made my way out.