She Gave up

Nine.

Dedication to scarsofangst because she deserves the whole book to be dedicated to her for her amazing comments and support. Stay strong girl, always♥

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"Life is like a marathon, It's full of ups and downs that take your breath away."- A Long Run, The Movie.

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April 24, 2014 - My last therapy session.

"Stella, it's been a while since I've seen you." My therapist said as I sat down on the couch in front of her. "Three months, am I exact?"

I nodded, smiling softly at her "Exactly."

She smiled back, a bit hesitant though before she spoke up "So, how are you?"

"I'm good."

"No, honestly Stella, how are you doing?" She asked again, frowning lightly as she leaned her hands on the desk in front of her.

I chuckled half sarcastically and half warmly - how, I don't know- then I nodded at her "I'm honestly good. I promise."

For a good five minutes, she sat there, staring at me, wondering if I was sincere or not.

I kept my stare on her, blinking innocently a few times before she cracked a proud smile. She lowered her head and wrote down in my file- which was quite thick.

"I can see that you are indeed calmer, and more at peace." She confirmed "I guess this is our last session then."

I nodded "I guess it is." I stood up, ready to leave when she stopped me.

I looked down on her as she sat in her chair "Stella, sit down for a minute."

Frowning, I did as told and watch her get up, get to the counter behind her, grab a glass and pour water in so it fullifies half the glass. Then she took it and sat back down.

"Since it's our last session, listen to what I got to say, okay?" When I nodded she looked down at the glass and held it up.

For a second, I thought I was going to be asked the 'half empty, half full' question.

Instead, with a smile on her face, she looked up at me and inquired "How heavy is this glass of water?"

I sat there, staring at her, dumbfounded. As she kept silent, I figured it wasn't a rhetorical question and I cleared my throat "8oz. to 10 oz.?"

She huffed amusingly and shook her head while she replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it."

She looked down on the glass that she was still holding up and continued "If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed."

She shifted her arm, bringing the glass up higher, but her arm began to shake slightly, beginning to tire up after a good three minutes holding it up high "In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes. The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water." 

She looked up at me, her voice calm and collected, yet firm and serious. It was the first time she ever acted so professional with me, and it amazed me how awesome she was being, and her words were just making me speechless and even more interested with what she had to say.

"Think about them for a while and nothing happens." Her voice broke my thoughts and my eyes snapped at that small glass of water and at her slightly more shaking hand while she spoke "Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."

She stood up, and walked around the desk, leaning on it in front of me "It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night." She put the glass down slowly and quietly before looking at me again, a smile still on her face " Remember to put the glass down."

I kept my stare at her, speechless. 

After a while she continued "Don't stay stuck in the regrets of the past, no matter what. What happened, already happened. And as much as you would love to change it, as much as it is hurting you and as much as it is horrible, it has already passed, and you should always move on. Don't take that long next time. i know these are harsh words, but it is the truth and I am telling you this for your own good."

She crossed her arms and sighed, looking down on me with a motherly smile and slight concern "Life will go on, with or without you. You have to always run and try to catch up to it. It's like a Marathon -Life I mean."

She titled her head to the side and asked "Have you ever seen or participated in a marathon?"

I shook my head, silently listening to her make sense for the first time ever as she continued "Life is like a marathon, it's full of ups and downs, heavy long and tiring steps, hesitations and the need to stop and give up, all of which will take your breath away." She smiled sadly at me before turning and looking out the window "Just like in a marathon. And if you do decide to slow down, take smaller steps and give it a rest, people will keep moving, the marathon will go on, life will continue , and you will lose and end up defeated and alone."

 

She looked at me again and finished her long speech "Don't slow down, don't give up. You are strong Stella, you can defeat the struggles. So don't stay behind, don't give into exhaustion and defeat."

I nod and stare at her for a while, her eyes blurring up. It felt like she was trying to tell herself all of that as well. As if these words hurt her, as if she didn't apply them and regretted that. She looked at the photo that I stared at the last time I was here and her tears sparkled under the light in her eyes.

I kept quiet, knowing to keep out of her business "Never give up, even if it's all you want to do sometimes." I spoke up, making her turn to me again, a soft smile on her face "And never let tears ruin your smile."

She chuckled at my words and took a deep breath, looking up at the clock on the wall "Go now Stella. And for your own sake, I hope I never see you again."