Boy Charming

Chapter Twenty-Six: Help?

"What?" I ask, having zoned out for the hundreth time. It's hard to keep awake. Morgan reaches up to adjust glasses that are not on his face, a habit I imagine that he has yet to break from since starting to wear contacts. We are in his room, studying math, or at least I'm pretending to. He looks at me with his bright blue eyes and I feel a stirring inside like I'm looking at someone who I've grown so close to only he doesn't feel that way in return. I'm just a stranger to him.

"Are you okay?" Morgan asks. I am remembering us in my room watching videos on virus. It all still seems so real to me.

"Yeah, what were you saying?" I reply smoothing back my long hair from my face. I'd had it in a braid for a while but I showered today after school and left it out. It helped a bit to make me look more presentable but I couldn't do much about the bags under my eyes from staying up all night.

Morgan pushes the math book away from him on the desk and leans back in his chair. His room is big but no as big as mine was, which makes me proud for some stupid reason. But now I don't even have a room so I have nothing to feel proud of. His house is huge. It's the size of the entire building I lived in, the upstairs and the store downstair. But Morgan's family get's it all to themselves, double garage, lots of rooms upstairs and downstairs, it's like a little hotel. 

"Do you want to go home?" Morgan asks.

"No!" I say a little too loudly, startling him. "I mean I can't go home." 

"Why can't you go home?"

I'm become more awake and my heart starts racing. I'm going to tell him, I'm going to trust someone with my secret...and I'm terrified to do it.

"We got kicked out of our place," I start. Morgan looks at me then, as though checking to see if I'm serious.

"Your parents got kicket out of their house?" he asks.

"No. My mom got kicked out of our... appartment, probably for not paying the rent for the hundreth time. I have no idea where my dad is. I've made up so many stories about him and so has my mom that I don't know what the truth is anymore. I just know that he's not around."

Morgan stares at the math book on his desk, not saying anything. I take a deep breath, mustering up the courage to go on. "My mom's not around either," I continue.

"What do you mean?"

"She's been gone for a few weeks now. Sometimes she leaves to do some kind of work in the city but she always comes back."

"Shouldn't you call the cops?" Morgan asks.

"No," I say loudly, making him jump slightly in his chair. "No," I repeat more quietly, "I can't call the cops. I don't want to be taken away to a foster home or something like that."

Morgan doesn't reply. His face is getting flushed like when someone is embarrassed or angry. I have no idea what he's thinking. I wait for him to say something but it's like at the library this morning, he's sitting there ignoring me as though he's wishing I'd just go away. At that moment I hate myself or being me. If I was like Lindsay I 'would' actually need help with math and I'd be here talking about normal teen stuff like who did what at the lastest party, I'd have parents and I would always have a good night's rest. But instead I'm making Morgan uncomfortable with all my problems.

We've been silent for a little while now. Morgan's hair falls into his eyes and he reaches up to tuck the curl behind his ear. He really is quite cute. I wish so much that I was just normal and we were dating and simply hanging out tonight, not... this.

I look out his bedroom window. It's dark outside. The lights inside are a cozy yellowish colour, not the painfully bright white of the office overhead lighting at my place, or what used to be my place. All I see outside now is blackness. It makes me feel like crying. I don't want to go out there again. I don't want to catch a bus tonight then walk through the cold to the donut shop, then stay up all night again. If I fall asleep at a table I know they will kick me out, whether they speak English or not.

"Morgan?" Morgan's dad's voice at the door makes us both jump. We were silent for so long I'd almost fallen asleep sitting up. "It's getting late." He looks at me, then at Morgan. "You both look like you've had enough studying."

"Okay," Morgan says. I can only imagine how I look at the moment. Morgan's dad leaves down the hall. I don't move to get up.

"Do you have somewhere... to go for the night?" Morgan asks. I'm glad he doesn't look like he is pittying me. I couldn't handle pity at the moment.

"Not really. I stay awake all night at a twenty-four hour donut shop where the overnight staff don't speak English. I was going to try and sleep a little at the public library today before they closed, the way the drunk homeless guys do..." I stop, realizing my embarrassing choice of words, but I'm too tired to care what Morgan things of me anymore. "But I didn't get a chance to because I came over. I didn't really need help with math, I just wanted... to talk to you."

Morgan doesn't reply. I close my eyes, just for a moment, because they are heavy with tiredness. It seems that just a short moment passes but when Morgan speaks again I am startled out of a sleep I didn't realize I fell into, again.

"I guess you should probably go," he says. I blink my eyes feeling disoriented. Did he just ask me to leave? I grab my notebook and put it into my backpack, trying to work up the energy to get going, but it's futile. I'll just fall asleep on the bus and the bus driver will call the cops. Despite how much it hurts my pride I ask Morgan,

"Can I please stay here for the night?" Morgan doesn't answer. "Just for tonight," I continue.

Again Morgan doesn't say anything.

I've had it. The sting of rejection gives me enough energy to gather the rest of my stuff and get up to go. I am hit with a jarring headache when I stand but I ignore it. Throwing my backpack over my shoulder I walk to the door.

"See ya," I say, not looking back.

"Wait," Morgan says