Confused Thoughts

Confused Thoughts Part Two

-Falls asleep on the couch-

Almost 12 hours later I'm still in that same mood, after attempting to sleep it off, and being awake for 5 hours, nothing works its still here. Every time I let my eyes close I see these milky bright blue eyes and tears falling from them. Yeah, my eyes are blue, but they look nothing like this. As the tears fall from those blue eyes, there's so much pain as they are trying to be held back. So much pain in those few tears as they roll down her face. But sooner or later, if you keep your eyes closed long enough, and you keep your body motionless you will surly fall asleep.

Falling asleep hurts more than staying awake, its almost like everything that isn't true, ends up in my dreams one way or another. The dreams that I do remember are always the ones that are bad, the ones that scare people, or other wise called nightmares. But after you have so many of these nightmares, you begin to believe what they are telling you, that sooner or later you will die, that all the pain you feel during the day has to be true and then some. So how do you stop it?

Now I'm just going to go out on a limb and say that all these unanswered questions that I'm giving you aren't helping and are making you actually think about the outcome and what the right answer is instead of me telling you. But how can I tell you if I don't even know the answer to these questions? And if I don't even know the answer to these questions then how is it I can be asking you these questions? Ill give you one answer, I don't know.

This, that I'm writing, is just random thoughts that's just being put down on paper or being typed as fast as I possibly can hit they keys in the right order to make out words that you can understand. See when I write there seems to be a problem, almost like how my mind moves ten million times faster than my hands can write it down, like I know what I'm going to say, but writing it down hurts. But that's crazy right? Wrong.

What is right, and what is really wrong, what should I be doing and what shouldn't I be doing? Is me writing this a total mistake on my part and by me trying to figure out if this is even true is an even bigger mistake? Or is everything wrong and I'm just a total mistake that wasn't ever meant to really even be here? Maybe that's why things never work out and I'm always confused? Because I was never meant to be put here on this earth to be strong enough to live in it?

All these questions swarm my mind all at once as I attempt to figure some of them out, but as soon as I try to figure one out, the questions multiply just as fast as they became complicated.