Confused Thoughts

Confused Thoughts Part Four

Last night was interesting. A lot happened, and fast. There was no way of stopping it once it had happened and everything I knew was leaving, or should I say everyone? Well, because so much had happened, and I didn't know what to do with it all, I broke down. As soon as the clock said 11 o'clock, I when into my room and crawled under my blankets attempting to shut out the world with every calming breath I took. But soon, those calming breathes weren't enough, and it wasn't helping, so I decided to go the other way and see if tears would work, they did. I lied there in bed, with my face buried deep into the pillow as my eyes leaked warm salty water while my mind ran. Member me talking about all of that stuff that I wanted to keep hidden, even from myself? Well along with those things that were already swarming around me head, so were all of the complications that had happened today. What was I to do?

I did the only thing I knew how to do and what I thought was the only thing I was able to do. I cried myself to sleep hoping that those dreams wouldn't come back while my mind was as confused as it was. I tried so hard to concentrate on my crying that the music that was quietly playing on the radio slowly faded and everything when quiet, and all I heard were my quiet sobs. That's when I began to dream, but was I crying while I was dreaming, was I crying at what had happened today or was I crying at all of the stuff that had happened that night? I don't think that anyone will ever really know the truth to another unknown question that floats around my head.

-Today-

Today has been an interesting day so far. I was rudely awakened by my 5 year old sister who had decided to come in and wake me up at 6 in the morning after a restless night of sleep. After my mother and step father came in about 3 times and yelled at me I figured I should at least get up and eat before we have to leave...right? So I got up, ate, and when and lied back in my bed and dreamed for 10 minutes-or maybe all of that wasn't a dream and that was just my mind throwing pictures in front of my closed eyes... or is that a dream? Finally after I was awakening again, I got into a warm shower before we left.

In the car, I shut out everything, I didn't want to listen to their fighting and their yells, so I turned my music up as loud as it could go and put my head phones in my ears. The drive was longish and exactly the same as every Monday and Wednesday just got to love driving 20 minutes for practice.

Once we got there I stood by out booth of Cherries in my red booty shorts and red uniform. The sun was hot and I stood there on the curb for over 4 hours in the sun.

Wait... What am I even saying any more, do any of you even comprehend what exactly I'm attempting to say in my hurried attempt to put together words that make sense?