How To Hide A Body

How To; Speak Klingon

"So, what are you going to do?" Bart asked, watching me from the other side of the room as I pulled out my laptop.

"Wow!" I said.

"Huh? What?" Bart eyed me questionably.

"Wow!" I repeated, less enthusiastically.

"Didn't mean to unleash the Sarcasm," Bart mumbled, shuffling towards the end of the bed and sitting down on the left corner, searching under the heaps of duvet for the remote control.

"No, idiot, Wow! It is a special 'code', one could call it, which is supposed to alert the earth of alien life. In 1977, a man -I think his name was Jerry?- at Ohio University detected this signal which came from their radio telescope."

"Radio telescope? Things are getting weirder and weirder-"

"Yeah, radio telescope. He captured this 70-second burst of radio waves using this radio telescope, which, he believed, was proof of alien life. He then circled the numbers and letters and wrote 'Wow!' next to it, hence the signal's name, 'Wow!'"

All I heard from Bart was an anticlimactic, "wow."

"Earlier this year, 2017 -July, I think? - They found out it was actually the result of two comets zooming past. But, if they fell for it once, they could fall for it again."

"How are you going to use the Wow! signal to hack into NASA?" Bart asked as he flipped through the television channels searching for the two o' clock airing of L'Amour Du Cœur.

"I'm not going to use it to hack into NASA. The hacking will take place later. First, I send the Wow! signal so that one of their radio telescopes pick up on it. Therefore, part one of Steve McQueen's task will be accomplished."

"Part two?" Bart asked, a hint of fear hiding in his voice.

"Well, I have always wanted to hack into NASA, now I have an excuse to. I'm going to send multiple Wow! signals as a distraction. NASA is going to be fully occupied with these signals that they won't notice any small bugs -say a virus?- working their way into their software. This virus will destroy almost all of NASA's documents and everything they have ever stored on their computers."

"I am not sure this is what Steve McQueen asked for-"

"To hell with what he's asked for. I'm either doing this my way or no way at all. You see, I am not going to hack into one of the most secure places on our planet and then proceed to talk gobble-de-gook to some scientists who have spent years at Harvard or Oxford and all those expensive places. They are smarter than that. They use codes and signals, something our Blackmailer I'm sure doesn't understand. The first task was embarrassing enough; I am not going to use my talents in such a cocky and idiotic way again." I shouted.

"That's truly and utterly brilliant, but right now, eat your croissant while I watch my soap, okay?"  Bart said, turning up the volume. 

"Fine, " I sighed, reaching for the plate of food.

***

Bart had gone out for a walk along the famous Champs-Élysées and only came back very late.

I had done tons of research on Wow! and I had compiled a virus which I could send to one of NASA's radio telescopes which would deliver a series of numbers and letters which would make the scientists reviewing the findings believe that they had, indeed, found alien life.

The numbers and letters were 6 E Q U J 5, and this would be the key to NASA's entire database, as well as their downfall. My finger was itching to hit send.