Airplanes || M.G.C

19

Songs for this chapter:
A Case of You - James Blake
The Worth of the Wait - Ivan & Alyosha
_______________________________________
-Michael's POV

It's been a few weeks since she's been gone. The love of my life is really dead. I was walking to all the places we liked to go together. The music store picking up albums by her favorite bands. Barnes and Noble where I would skim through books she's read a million times and books she wanted to read and never got to. I went to Chick-fil-A and ordered everything she got and smothering it in sauce like she did. Not feeling very hungry,I pack it all up and I just walked and walked with the bag in my hand until I saw a homeless man sitting on the sidewalk and just handed it to him. I walked more and more not really paying attention to where I was going.

I settle on going to the park where I sat on a bench near the small river. I still had her pack of cigarettes and her lighter, I held it in my hands as if it was her hand. I know that I would forever have her in my heart and memories, cheesy I know, but this pack of cigarettes was one of the last pieces of her. I flip open the lid where the cancer sticks look innocent in their white paper.

I stare at them as if they were a real person. But they weren't. I look out towards the water, watching it's ripples. DJ's death has really made an impact on me, I still clung to her pack of cigarettes like as if I held on more, she would come back, but I knew it was impossible. There was nothing the doctors could do, her lungs were solid bricks of cancer which eventually killed her last week.

I watch people walk by and a woman walked by, I didn't see her face, but as she walked away, the back of her looked so much like DJ. I was about to run after the stranger, but I caught myself. She's not here anymore, Mike. I was sat here on a park bench like a loser, people staring at me as they walked by when they see my tear stained face. Looks of pity, concern, and judgement, but these people don't know I just lost the love of my life.

I still need to read her letter... I pull it out of the pouch of my hoodie. I open the envelope, pull out the paper and I begin to read it:

"Dear Michael, if you're reading this... I'm sorry. This letter is my goodbye to you. I wanted to tell you goodbye in person, but I knew I wouldn't be able to tell you goodbye without breaking down and crying. So this is the next best thing I can do for you. In this letter, I'm going to tell you something I wish I could've told you in person, something I wish I had realized so much sooner. So I hope you're ready.
    You told me one night that you fell in love with me from the second you saw me. I know I played hard to get, but the truth is... I fell in love with you from the second I saw you too. I was just in so much denial due to my goddamn plan. I pushed back those feelings, for so long and dear god, I regret it so bad. We could've spent so much more time together if it wasn't for me. It was that goddamn plan. I wanted to kiss you so bad after our first date at the Nutcracker, but yet again, I was in denial. My biggest mistake in life was not falling for you sooner, but the best thing in my life was falling for you. I also wanted to thank you for giving me a lifetime of memories in this amazing past year and a half we have spent together. I can't believe up until I met you, I didn't want to fall in love. But if I knew I was going to fall in love with you, I wouldn't have been against it. And if it was possible, I would fall in love with you all over again. You were my new high, Michael.
        Now, before I go... I just want you to know... I would've said yes. I would've given you the world's biggest yes. I would've dragged our asses to the EmpireState Building and shouted yes from the roof. I would've said yes.
    And I change my mind by the way... I'll love you forever and always, baby.
         -DJ"

I close my eyes and I thought about how my proposal to her could've went that night almost a month ago. I know most people would say that it was to soon, but then yet they say, when you know you know... and I just knew, she was it, there was no one else. Wow... I could've been engaged right now. I could feel a few tears rolling down my face.

I could almost hear her voice if she was here with me. She would probably say something along the lines of, "Damn Clifford, did you just get off from the onion farm?" I smirk, because I could imagine her saying that to me. She was so bitter, yet so sweet. As I sat here on the bench, I started to reflect back on our time together. I don't think I could ever thank Calum enough for having to go out for a smoke that day, and asking me to tag along. There was two other boys he could have chosen, and he chose me. Just the thought of her kissing one of my friends made me sick.

I honestly think he pretended to need one, because I think he saw the way I was looking at DJ as she was approaching our table, and when she spoke, I was in awe of her. Then I remembered the day I asked her if I could meet her parents. I'll never forget her expression. She was so surprised but also pained. As she drove to the cemetery and walked to where they were laid to rest, we sat on the grass and she told me her story. It's a day ill always remember.

And who can forget the night I took her to go see "The Nutcracker" for our first date. She was so excited, I spent more than half the time looking at her as she watched in amazement, her eyes going back and forth between the dancers and the Orchestra, the way she would close her eyes and pretend to conduct them with a finger, and the way she would move her head along to the beat.

But the day and night I would hold dearest was our first time. I'll admit it wasn't it the most romantic spot, but it was the day she told me she loved me, although it was the day she was diagnosed, the good out weighted the bad. Also all of the times after that.

God... DJ was all I ever wanted and more. I would also remember the night she took me to her little hideout spot. The sun was just about to set and she told me why she came went out there almost every night. Now, sitting here thinking about her, I look up at the sky and I see an airplane fly by.

As I'm looking at the plane fly by, the pack of cigarettes slip out of my hand which makes my heart skip a beat. The box had opened but none had fallen out. I pick up the box and I take a cigarette out of the box and hold it between two fingers. Twiddling it around for a moment. I then stop and hold it in my hand and stare at it. I look at her carton and see her lighter pack comfortably. I pull the lighter out, seeing that it was the black and white lighter I bought her the day after we met, place the cigarette that was on Palm and into my mouth, I light it and begin to smoke it. I could now see why DJ did it.

I was enjoying my cigarette peacefully, and I see a girl walking by herself. Her hair was a similar length and style to the way DJ had hers. Im minding my business and as she walks by me she stops and looks me in the eyes, smirks, laughs a little and tells me,

"You probably already know this... But you know you really shouldn't smoke. It's bad for you."