Crashed Love

Power With In

   It's just black for awhile, everything black. I feel as if I'm in limbo, I feel nothing, smell nothing, taste... nothing.
   But I remember things, slowly, bit by bit of today. School, the party, the cute boy.
   Which brings us here, now.
   This is when I realize my eyes are still closed though I'm actually still awake.
   So I slowly peel them open to find every thing is doubled. I have to blink a few times to help them adjust.
   I stand from in front of the seat I was sitting in, which is hard, because my body feels heavy, as if my limbs are extra's added on as an after thought.
   I look around at the wreckage before the sound comes back to my ears, slowly, like the scene in movies when a shell shocked soldier finds himself in the centre of where a bomb went off.
   I check my limbs to make sure they're all there as the sound of the bus horn and a car alarm blast at my sensitive ear drums.
   I'm not really sure, but I think I also see people, groaning and/or standing up on the bus.
   It's, I guess the only right word is, jarring. All I can think is 'what the fuck, what the fuck, What. The. Fuck!'
   Then I notice the window, the only fucking thing that came out of the roll with just cracks.
   So I head there to it.
   I pull the emergency lever and push out the window. It takes a few nudges before I can get it out properly, but when I do, the people who can, get up and I help them climb out one by one.
   Then I notice my bag is missing.
   Stupidly, I start looking around for it as the passengers on the other side try to coax me out.
   Obviously I ignore them, I don't know why, but my bag seems so important right now, like the extra limb I checked for.
   I notice the man in the wheelchair, groaning and helpless and completely forget about my bag.
   I rush over to and unbuckle him, doing my best to pick him out of his wheel chair.
   "Thank you! Thank so much!" he says, coughing up a bit of blood.
   "I need help" I yell, putting his arm over my shoulders and dragging his legs behind us.
   I bring him to the window and a young man grabs him from me as he sobs over and over "there's my sister"
   Oh, so she is his sister....
   She drags him as far away as possible, saying sorry and to forgive her. I start to follow suit, but then the sound of a crying infant makes me pull back again.
   I turn back into the bus and search, my eye making out the shape of a stroller, knocked over from the tumble and a woman with a pole in her arm and another trapping her leg.
   I walk over and kneel down by the baby. I'm proud to see the one year old child was finer then anyone else.
   He was in excessive padding and only had a cut on his cheek.
   I clip him out of the broken stroller and sit him down on my legs, his head against my chest as he clenches onto me for dear life.
   Then I move towards the mother, tapping her face a few times to see if she's ok.
   Her eyes open and I smile "your son, he's--" and before I could say anymore, the child is running into his moms arms and she is crying his name and stroking his hair.
   So, with out thinking, I grab the pole over her legs and pull. I keep pulling, though it's hard but it bends a little, hardening my determination, till it snaps off and I go flying back, my back scratching against a broken pole.
   I fall on all fours and gulp back the pain "thank you... thank you so much" she says crying. I get up as she looks at her baby boy and I take off my cover, rapping it ever so carefully around her arm wound.
   "You should be good" I say, I help her up.
   "Little one the bus is on fire, hurry" a black older women outside calls.
   I look at her confused and her face goes a bit fussy before I look towards the front to see chairs slowly catching fire as me and the woman head to the window.
   I help her out and make sure that there was no one else, moving quickly to the back of the bus till I saw him again. The really cute guy, laying there under poles and broken seats.
   I look for a way in, then get down on my stomach and wiggle myself into a small opening, happy to see nothing is trapping him down.
   Before I do anything else, I rest my head on his chest and listen hard for his heart, but I can only faintly hear it... he's dying.
   A sweat breaks out on my forehead as the temperature began to raise, but he's ice cold to the touch.
   I hook my arms under his and pulls him out inch by inch till I could rap his arm around my neck and pick him up like I did the man in the wheelchair.
   I turn with him, his legs just as limp as that man's, but with the added weight of his upper body, and drag him towards the window.
   Then, to my horror, the roof collapses in, molten plastic dripping onto my arm.
   I stumble back, closing one eye and breathing through the pain then drop back on one knee and analyze my surroundings.
   There is no other window to use and the top hatch is closed and hard to get to... I could use the back door.
   I look up at the emergency open box, but it was broken, the lever completely gone, leaving just a metal stub in its place.
   Gently, I put him down and breath in deeply before side-kicking the door. It doesn't budge, so I try again.
   This time it opens up a bit and a moment later two sets of hands pry them open for me.
   I grab the hot guy as I notice the seats in the back catching fire and then run out.
   Everything around me suddenly slows down, like slow motion and I think it's because I'm waiting for the big boom.
   Everyone is staring at first, their eyes widening and then they're sprinting along side me, away from the bus.
   The bus explosion sends me to my knees and makes my ears ring all over again. I slowly set the guy down on the ground and wait for my ears to completely fix them selves before I listen to his heart again.
   This time I could hardly hear it at all.
   I prop his head back, put my lips to his and breathe. Next I put my hands one on top of the other, on the right side of his chest and push 12 times then start all over again.
   Everyone around me is yelling at me to stop and give up the longer I go at it.
   One of his friends even kneels in front of me and says "yo, there's no point he's..." he puts his hand on the side of my face "he's gone" he says.
   I move my head, he lets go and I keep going. Just breath and pump away.
   I wasn't going to let anyone die, no one from this bus was going to have a funeral planned for them this week.
   I wasn't going to let anyone go through that pain of loss.
   After the 5th time his body jerks up and he cover his mouth and coughs until he coughs up a peace of plastic. I smile at him, grabbing his face and examining his eye and warming temperature.
   He stares back at me, confused as all of his friends crowed around him. I finally hear the sound of sirens coming and take in deep breaths of relief.
   That's when pain starts rippling through my body. The boy looks at me, the smile his friends created, fading as I start gagging and coughing up blood.
   Suddenly everything sinks in and I start crying, the edges of my sight darkening.
   He reaches over to me, holding me up by my shoulders and looking me in the eyes "are you ok?"
   And that's when I realize most of the pain is in my side, the blood running from my leg and how hard it is to breath.
   Then everything is nothing and I am in darkness again.
   Durning my uncontus moments, I am in blackness. I'm not disputing the existence of any God, but I'm also not saying nothing is happening.
   It's like I'm in a black room of nothing. Nothing is infront of me, nothing is behind me, nothing is under me and nothing is above.
   There is nothing but black and nothing but me as if my brain isn't creative enough to dream, yet I can see my hands and legs and every detail of my skin.
   So I just sit here on nothing, thinking. Every once in a while I get information from out side of my nothing, like the fact that I've been in a coma for the last 6 hours due to head trauma and that my mom is here, waiting for me to wake up.
   She tells me that the crash is on the news, apparently a car had knocked the bus in the middle of the turn.
   The car was stolen and the driver thought he was in a game of fast and furious, while under the influence of a mixture of drugs.
   Also I pray to God that if it's my time to go, to take care of my mom, siblings, friends and all the people that were on the bus.
   Even if it's not my time, I pray they stay safe. And I wait and I wait and I wait and then I wake up and I'm alone.
   Most people would call me crazy, hearing me say this, but I'm happy that I'm alone. I get a chance to breath, if that makes any sense.
   I take the time to tally my pain, my back, my side, my arm, and leg and take it in with a cup of tea and a nice steady morphine drip before I start to cry all over again.
   I was just in a crash... I didn't leave anyone... I have a deep cut in my right leg; a deep scratch on my back; and scratches and burns on my left arm up to my shoulder.
   I didn't cry till the end, I was traumatized. I couldn't believe I with stood feeling like this till now... what's wrong with me!
   "Hi..."
   I look up to see a doctor and nurse walk in "I'm Dr. Harrison" he takes my clip bored and writes something and he whispers something to the nurse.
   The nurse leaves, closing the door behind him. I wipe away my tears and stare at the doctor as he smiles at me.
   He was pretty young, 27 maybe, or my eye could be playing tricks on me.
   "I hear that you were the one that saved every ones lives" he checks my leg stitches "they're all grateful, in fact, they've all been waiting for you to wake up"
   "Where did my mom go?" I ask as my tears burn my eyes.
   I look back up at him and he smiles at me "she went to get coffee. How'd you know she was here?"
   "I could hear her... can you open the door?"
   "Yeah, on my way out--"
   "No, now"
   He looks at me, confused and then moves to the door, opening it and letting me breath. Then he walks over to the side of my bed and takes out a mini flashlight "do you mind?"
   I shake my head "only if you don't mind if after this, can I only have an all female staff?"
   His eyebrow raises as he checks each of my eyes "if I didn't know any better, I'd call this misandry"
   I smirk "hey, women do run the world"
   He laughs and pulls away "I don't mind your request for a female doctor, I'm actually a stand in today"
   "Oh really?"
   "Yeah. I also have a PH.D. in physiology, I dedicate most of my life to that"
   "Oh, so, what have you read off me so far, doc?" I force a smile onto my face.
   He smirks at me and steps back "you made me open the door, normally I'd say your claustrophobic, but then you added an all feminine staff to the mix. I'd say you have an unhealthy distrust of men"
   "What can I say doc, Daddy was a dead beat" I say in a bad southern drool.
   "Your very sarcastic--"
   "I'm also a disruptive bitch, I can make sure you don't get a word in edge wise"
   "VICTORIA!" my mom booms from the door, and saunters in, my grandma not far behind "I'm sorry David, I don't think she remembers you much after all"
   I look at my doctor and then to my mom again, confused "Sweetheart, don't you remember him from church camp?" grandma Ginny chimes.
   I think for a second, David, David Harrison... wait a second "are you that one cool councillor who had acne and the awesome British accent?"
   "And I thought no one would ever remember my awkward days, though I still have the accent"
   "Dude, you were, like, about the only thing me and my friends remembered about church camp, besides scriptures. We all had crushes on you because you were the only one who didn't know how cool you were and plus you had a accent"
   He smirks at me and my mom shakes her head walking over and hugging me, my grandma right after. I hug them both tightly but I take the time to breath in my grandma's everyday lavender scent, so similar to my mom's, yet different.
   I let go of her and realize for the first time, the scent of hospital and pale.
   "Are you okay?" she asks.
   "Yes, I love you too gran Gin" I say smiling, she smiles back and kisses my forehead.
   "Where's the twins?" I ask my mom.
   "Day Care"
   "On the weekend? You never bring them to daycare on the weekend"
   My mom shakes her head, laughing "look at you, you almost die and all you care about is the twins"
   "She's a tough one, I told you the day she turned one, this girl was going to save lives"
   "You did, she did" mom agrees whole heartedly.
   "Fine, when do I get to leave..."
   My mom acknowledges Harrison again and he's silent for a bit.
   Then he sighs "the only way you can leave is if you agree to get crutches after a quick test"
   "What kind of test?" my mom growls and I smirk.
   Harrison on the other hand, takes a step back, not used to my mom's rath "just to see if anything's wrong with her seeing, hearing, that jist"
   "When's my test Doc H?"
   "You're calling me that now?"
   "Yeah, it's kind of cute, no?"
   He smirks "the test is whenever"
   My mom brightens "I knew asking you to step in would be beneficial. The test will be--"
   "Tomorrow then"
   My mom looks at me "what?" she scoffs.
   "I want to rest mom, I need to just have a day to do nothing. I was in a coma after all"
My mom stares at me, for a long time before her shocked face softens "OK, yeah. Of course my little Cupid"
I lay back and let out a large sigh "where's my phone? I can't rest until I send out one message"
"Here" my mom hands me my phone and I look at it, so mundane in my hands.
It survived.
And they say cellphones should never be in your bra.
"Is it ok if I use this Doc H?"
  "One message?" he asks.
"One message"
He sighs "go ahead"
So I message Dominic Juniper.
"Now, I don't mean to sound like I don't care, but I rushed over to make sure my baby girls a live. Now that I know she is, I have to get back to the restaurant--"
I grab my grandma's hand and let her look into my eyes "don't be ridiculous, Gran Gin. If you don't leave now, I'll have to kick you out. You know they can't run the place without your TLC"
She gives me one last hug and leaves. The last thing I need is two fussy busy bees in here, my mom will be enough. 
I decide to take a walk after she leaves and it is liberating. Have you ever taken a walk in a hospital gawn around a hospital with a crutch?
Because I loved every moment of it till my mom asked if I could get my clothes back.
It's been about 3 hours since I woke up and I've eaten and napped. I found out that apparently I had been in a coma for 20 hours before I woke up, so it was officially Sunday now.
My white walled room is full of colourful teddies and balloons from people who didn't want to suddenly be irrelevant when I got back to school, so all my basic kiss asses.
My mom had finally gone with the crowd an hour ago, and I'm now sitting on my bed and watching a Pretty Little Liars marathon and eating jello and drinking little cups of juice.
I don't care what anyone else says, hospital jello and juice are worth the back pain it takes to eat them.
"Hi" I hear as I shovel another spoon full of jello into my mouth.
I almost choke when I see the cute guy from the bus standing in my doorway.
I swallow and clear my throat "hi, nice to see you're alive"
"Well, from what I hear, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be" he blushes.
We both stair at each other smiling "I'm Josh" he says putting his hand on his chest.
"I'm Victoria" I smile.
To my releif, nurse Ryan walks in to redress my wounds for the night. She smiles at me when she notices my warm smile to her.
  "So Josh" I turn my attention back to him "what school do you go to?"
"Wow, right to the personal" he chuckles "uh well, I used to go to Glenview. but I'm transferring to G.C.I.. My mom just moved us--"
"Really? I go to G.C.I." I sit back on my bed, avoiding the look of blood on the band aids nurse Ryan unrapps.
Josh smiles and takes a step closer, his hand tucking into his pockets "really, so maybe you can show me around"
I smile, seeing him land on my web oh so perfectly "maybe I will, all you'll have to do is meet me in front of the library" I smile.
"Hey Josh" his friend, the one who told me to give up, calls from the hall "stop flirting with the girl, the rest of us are ready to go"
The nurse starts cleaning my leg. Josh looks at me then smiles, his brown skin taking on a redder colour.
"Your not a patient here anymore?"
"As of two hours ago, nah"
"Then why are you here?"
"I working up the courage to come talk to you" he smirks
"Really? Then I guess I really will see you at school" he steps back and winks before leaving my room.
"He's cute" nurse Ryan says and I smirk at her "you were the one saved his life?"
"Yeah, mouth to mouth" I say, smacking my lips
"Wow! Then he owes you his life, baby girl" she says.
"You think so?" I smirk.
  "No, I know so" she smiles and I grab my jello cup as I think about this.
By some strange coincidence I saved the life of a really hot guy who just so happens to be transferring to my high school.
Ether God loves me, or fate, but ether way, I just rolled a double five and my luck is only going up from here.
I found another reason for you to call me crazy. The minute I open my eyes this morning, I expected to hear my own heart monitor flat line.
Then, when my brain fully processed this thought, I realized the only way that would happen was if I were dead or disconnected. And after the dream I had last night, I'm not surprised I expected that out come.
It happened, it was happening again.
So I pulled the wires off of me in protest of the rouge thoughts and messed up dreams in my brain and now I'm seen as an aggressive patient.
They even moved my test up a whole two hours early to make sure my sudden outburst of rage wasn't caused by any head truma.
Good thing for me, I get to leave now. My mom carries the over night bag she'd hastily packed for me the day of the accident. I lead the way on my crutches in front of her waving goodbye to the staff and Dr. Harrison as I go.
He jogs over to us before we reach the doors, stopping us "just in case you have any problems, anxiety, stress, anything, call me. You don't have to do it right away, but I just want you to know you can call me when your ready" and then he hands me his business card.
I give him a cute smile that quickly falls when I turn away from him. My mom quickly takes the card from me and puts it in her wallet and pray that I won't need that card.
But let's all be honest here, I already know I will and when I do, all my walls will have come crashing down since all things come in threes.
I see valtures at the front door and immediately put 'always keep things to my self' high up on my list of 'things to do from now on'.
  I stop in front of the only door that will get me out of here and my mom stops beside me.
  "You ready?" she sighs.
I wait, just one beautiful second before I walk out to the swarm of news reporters. Before I knew it they were surrounding me and blinding me with flashing lights.
  "Victoria how did you..."
"Victoria why..."
  "Victoria over..." was all I could hear.
My mom tries to push past them as I hop behind her. We get through to the car and I hop into the passenger's side of the car.
My mom slides in as the reporter knock on my door. I open the glove compartment and my mom rests her head on the steering wheel as I stare at the bottle in front of me.
I know my mom can saw it too, the liquor bottle just sitting there in my car.
"Wow, news reporters are voltures"
I let out a tiny laugh as I grab the sunglasses beside the bottle and put them on "well, I don't know if you've heard mom, but I'm kind of a big deal"
My mom smirks at me, getting the sudden strength to put the car in drive and just go.