Drarry: The Boy Who Loved

Stargazing

Trigger Warning: mentions of suicide/self harm :(  evolves into fluff

Draco couldn't sleep. Today, a Tuesday, had been the most stressful, upsetting day he'd had in a while. His mark was throbbing, probably meaning that one of the Death Eaters was having a fit. He hated the thing, wanted to get rid of it so badly. He knew he couldn't, looked at it and shuddered. He couldn't believe he had let his father trick him into getting this bloody thing. All Draco had ever wanted, in his entire life, was to please his father, the man he looked up to the most. But, now that he thought about it, the man he looked up to the most had ripped a childhood, a life away from him without a second thought. 

Draco could feel the familiar numbness spreading as he blocked out more and more emotions. I should be crying right now. I should be screaming right now. I should be doing anything right now, anything other than sitting here feeling nothing. 

He climbed out of bed, careful to not disturb Harry, and walked into the living room, where they had a huge window overlooking the city. He sat in front of it and shivered, gazing out at the dots of light. Can they feel my pain right now? If I am thinking of them, do they think of me? Do I even have an impact? What if they are only stars? Does one of them belong to me?

................

Harry was half asleep when he felt the weight shift on the bed, then heard the door softly close. He reached out his left arm to feel the other side of the bed. There was no one there. 

He opened his eyes now, quickly getting out of bed and going into the living room to look for Malfoy, dragging the blanket along behind him. 

Draco was startled by the footsteps and turned quickly to see Harry in the doorway, wrapped in his blanket like a child. He couldn't help but smile. "Hey there, Potter."

"Hey, Dragon," Harry replied, coming over to sit beside him. He opened the quilt a little, inviting Malfoy to join him. Draco shyly scooted next to him and Harry wrapped the quilt around them both.

Draco absentmindedly laced his fingers through Harry's. Harry didn't notice, but instead curled his fingers so they were holding Malfoy's. 

They sat like that, looking at the stars. 

................

Wednesday was even worse. Draco's entire arm throbbed and burned, and he didn't want Harry to know. 

He finally broke that evening. He'd been clean for so long. But as the blood splattered down the sides of the shower, he finally felt like he had control over some form of pain. 

................

Malfoy was acting odd. Harry worried about him, but he didn't say anything.

That is, he didn't say anything until he noticed streaks of blood swirling down the shower drain.

"MALFOY!"

Draco came running into the bathroom. "Potter, if there's another spider, avada kedavra the shit out of that thing!" 

Harry ignored him. "What is THIS?!" He demanded loudly, gesturing wildly into the shower. 

Malfoy shook his head when he saw the blood, the color rising to his face. "I-I don't know," he muttered.

Harry shook his head, taking Malfoy's arm and forcing up the sleeve, despite Malfoy's howls of protest. Harry wanted to cry. He saw huge, jagged cuts, traveling from Draco's wrist to his forearm. He took Draco's other arm. There were fewer cuts, but they were still there.

Harry knew that what Draco needed was consolation, not scolding. Draco was standing there, braced for a blowup, and was shocked when Harry yanked him into his arms instead.

Draco stood there, arms hanging limply by his sides while Harry hugged him. "Please don't do this, Draco," Harry whispered, and Draco realized with a jolt that Harry was close to tears. "I don't want you to hurt yourself anymore."

Draco shook his head, opened his mouth, but the words wouldn't come. He felt a dull pushing on the inside of his chest and knew that was the remnants of an emotion that he could not feel.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled finally.

Harry led Draco into the living room, sat down on the couch with him. "Tell me about what happened to you," he said quietly.

Draco was stunned. No one, in his entire existence, had asked him to talk about his feelings. 

But, what's the harm? He wondered, and so the words started coming. Slowly at first, and then faster and faster, until they were pouring out of his mouth so quickly that Harry could barely keep up. How his father threatened to kill him if he didn't get the mark, how the Dark Lord threatened to kill him after he got the mark, how he was afraid he would die, how his father didn't care. And all throughout this, he was feeling little pops of sadness in his chest, and knew it was the closest thing he'd come to feeling something, so he fed it, and fed it, until he suddenly gasped so loudly that Harry jumped.

Draco was slammed with a wave of emotions. So many, that he'd missed out on for the last few months. Wave after wave of happiness, anger, sadness, each so intense and powerful that he was soon sobbing. Harry jumped up, alarmed. He didn't know what was happening, but Draco grabbed his hand and held him back. 

"Thank you."

................

Harry and Draco were on opposite sides of the bed. The tension was there, but it wasn't unpleasant.

"So.. what exactly happened back there?" Harry asked finally.

"I felt something," Draco said quietly.

Harry sat up hurriedly. "Really? Is it still there?"

"Yes. You fixed me Potter, so congratulations."

"You never needed fixing the in the first place, Dragon," Harry said softly.

Draco was glad it was dark as he blushed.

................

Once again, Harry woke up in the middle of the night alone. He walked into the living room expectantly, but Draco wasn't there. Frowning, he looked around the apartment until he Apparated onto the roof on a hunch.

Sure enough, Draco was there, staring up at the sky.

"Hey, Draco," Harry called, jogging over to him. "What're you doing out here?"

Draco turned to smile at him. "Stargazing. What're you doing here, Potter?"

"Looking for you," Harry said, collapsing beside him. He tilted his head up to gaze at the smattering over silver lights, like salt spilled on a shiny black table.

"I'm glad you told me everything," Harry said after a while.

Draco nodded. "It feels good, getting it off my chest." He paused awkwardly before coughing. "I'm glad you listened."

"Well, I'll always be here for you."