Reality Bites - Wattys 2018 Shortlist

Chapter 1 - Reality Bites

The last six weeks had been nothing short of torture. Dimitri had finally told me he loved me, and we'd made love in a cabin in the woods on the outer boundaries of campus. It was everything I could have hoped and more. He'd made me his in every way, and lying in his arms afterward was the single happiest moment of my life. We'd kissed, talked, laughed, cuddled, made love again, dozed and finally got dressed and gone back to campus and reality.

Reality bites!

While in my heart there'd been a seismic shift in our relationship, to everyone else we were still Guardian Belikov and Novice Hathaway. Mentor and student. And if he wanted to keep his job, and if I wanted to graduate, it had to stay that way. Every day we'd meet and train, and every day I would force myself to pretend he was just another teacher, not the love of my life. Dimitri maintained his cool yet slightly detached Guardian façade, giving no hint of what had happened between us. It was maddening! In fact, it was more than maddening. It was confusing. I had thought us finally acting on our feelings would alleviate my anxiety and uncertainty, but it seemed to have only magnified it.

I knew I was being a total cranky bitch to Lissa, Christian, and our friends - but I just couldn't help it. I couldn't tell anyone, even Lissa, about what had happened, and each day that passed found me more distressed. If only Dimitri would give me a sign or a word, but he didn't. He was professional but nothing more. He also seemed to be avoiding me – not attending social events I would have normally expected him to, or not meeting my eye or coming over when he did. I was starting to wonder whether maybe what had happened between us hadn't been as important to him as it was to me. He wouldn't be the first man to use love to get sex.

Our training sessions were getting more and more intense as I worked at funneling my muddled feelings elsewhere. While it was doing my technique a world of good, the same could not be said about my heart. Looking at the determined set of his jaw today as we sparred, I could feel the tears rising in my eyes. Maybe I had been just a conquest to him? It had been a month and a half, and he'd not shown me any sign he still loved me. Suddenly I wanted to be anywhere but here in the gym with him, so with a final vicious kick, I knocked Dimitri to the ground and quickly turned away.

"Got somewhere I have to be, Comrade," I said in a voice that sounded off, even to my own ears. Fortunately, there was no one standing close enough to hear the tremble in my voice or see the unshed tears in my eyes. With my back to him, I quickly walked towards my gym bag, wanting to get to the safety of the women's change rooms before the tears started rolling.

"Hang on Rose," he called out, jumping up from where I'd sent him crashing. "Give me a hand putting these away, will you?" he asked, drawing alongside me carrying some of the equipment we'd been using. I opened my mouth to tell him to jam it, but thought better of it. Without looking at him, I grabbed an armful of equipment and followed him to the storeroom off the abandoned weights room at the side of the gym.

Dimitri stowed the equipment he was carrying and then mine. Before I could turn to leave, he grabbed my wrist, reaching around me to close the door. Enclosing us in the small storeroom filled with gym equipment, lit only from a small window high up on the wall, he turned me to face him.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," I replied, with an attempt at indifference.

"Rose? Please tell me," he said simply, pulling me into his embrace and kissing my hair.

That's all it took. Raising my face to look at his, my tears erupted, sliding silently down my cheeks. Six weeks of longing and insecurity came to the fore as he held me in his arms.

"Aww Roza," he soothed, guessing the cause of my unrest. "I know it's hard. It's killing me too," he sighed, rubbing my back lovingly.

"I wasn't sure if you still wanted me," I said timidly, feeling shy now.