"Is the soul solid, like iron? Or is it tender and breakable like the wings of a moth or the beak of an owl?"-Mary Oliver (House of Light)
Time seemed to pass differently when one was being held captive. Jasmine had no clue how long she had been trapped in the dark cellar. There were no windows, meaning she couldn't see the sun to count the passage of time. It could have been months for all she knew. Whenever her body would finally collapse from exhaustion and allow her to sleep, she would dream of memories that made her long for her Sirius. The most frequent one was the day he asked her to marry him.
It was a bright, sunny day. The type that was rare in London. It was just warm enough to where you didn't need a jacket, despite the slight breeze that rustled the leaves. It was a truly beautiful day; there were only a few white clouds in the sky, nothing like the rain clouds that usually hover over the city. Jasmine put on a dark blue dress that fell to about the tops of her knees. She was well aware that this dress was a favorite of Sirius; he always said it made her look more angelic than usual. Jasmine smiled to herself as she walked down the stairs so she and Sirius could go to the park for their four year anniversary.
As they took their time by walking, she noticed that Sirius was becoming more and more nervous. She grabbed his hand and gave it a soft squeeze, "What's wrong, baby?'
He just shook his head and smiled softly, "Don't worry, Jas, you'll find out soon enough."
They spent the rest of the day at the park just having fun, enjoying the ever rare sun and the feeling of safety being together provided.
Later that night, as they laid under the stars, Sirius leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Marry me?" He knew she would hate a big affair, but this wasn't exactly how he planned it. However, in the moment, it seemed perfect.
Jasmine's eyes watered up as she leaned against him, the most beautiful ring in front of her. She didn't say a word as she pulled her promise ring off of her left ring finger and moved it to the right. She glanced back at him and saw the look of pure joy in his eyes as she slipped the engagement ring on her finger. It had a simple gold band, with a single diamond in the center. She knew that Sirius would have had to save for God only knows how long until he could get it. She kissed him softly as she read the inscription, "Until the end of time," written in a perfect imitation of his hand-writing. They continued sitting under the night sky, no words being spoken, just the two of them and the stars.
The tears that had steadily building slowly overflowed and fell down her cheeks; she was both unable and unwilling to wipe them away. It was just a week later that James and Lily would die. Just a week later, they would be separated for fourteen years. Just a week later, all of their dreams for the future would be shattered in an instant. Over the years, she had often thought what her life would have been like if she wouldn't have left, if James didn't die. James was supposed to give her away...who would be better than the male she was closest to after their father's death? Baby Hair was supposed to be the ringbearer. Lily was going to a bridesmaid. But fate had other plans. Fate decided that she didn't get to be happy. Whatever God may be above had decided that she would have to break Sirius in order to protect him.
How was any of this fair? She was supposed to be married to the love of her life by now. She was supposed to have had kids of her own by now. She was supposed to be happy. No more running from her feelings, no more holding part of herself back in fear of getting hurt. But that never happened. The only place her wedding, the day she had been planning since she was five, took place was in her mind during her darkest nights, when she would get so drunk her thoughts could not be held back.
After everything she had been through to be happy, she was still being forced to go through more as she waited with baited breath for the first full moon. Tonight was the night Jasmine would find out if she would be allowed to go home or not.
Sirius found himself unable to look away from the window as he waited for the first full moon since Jasmine had been back to rise. Remus had been out of it for days, barely being able to move. Sirius knew that his friend would need him tonight, but he couldn't help but wish that he was able to be with Jasmine as they waited for her to change. He knew it was stupid, but he wanted to protect her. He knew that he shouldn't, that she had betrayed him in one of the worst ways, and yet his love for her was still as strong as the day she left. His heart pounded painfully as he realized that he was finally ready to forgive her--to love her again--and he might never get the chance to tell her. He knew that if she were to die, he would not be able to stop himself from following shortly after her. He was in love with her. He had been since the day they met. And now, because of his stubbornness and pride, he may never get the chance to tell her that he loved her.
An ear splitting howl tore through the air as he was suddenly torn from his thoughts. He looked toward the sky and saw that the moon was looking down from above as he transformed and ran to where his only living best friend was in order to keep him safe from himself. He prayed to all that was holy that Jasmine was not currently experiencing the pain he knew Remus was. He winced as Remus howled in pain again before focusing on his task. Jasmine would have to wait.
