Sea Salt (2Doc)

CHAPTER 5: Scared

Clank Clank Clank

The sound of his boots against the weathered, metal steps of his lighthouse was a sound he was all-too-familiar with. The feel of the cool, rough stone under his fingertips as he ran his palm over the walls, the other on the cold metal railing. He pauses, hand still holding onto the metal railing.

These feelings. These fucking feelings. The closest feeling he could remotely compare this to was when he was in middle school and had a thing for Kelly O'Driscoll, who beat the shit out of him and broke his knees. He cried that day. But, that was beside the point. Is he... does he... no. He couldn't be. Could he? No. Why... how could he? Murdoc felt very unsure, sceptical even. He never really believed in 'love at first sight' or any of those bullshit superstitions.

He had never had a proper grasp on this concept of feeling wanted. Even loved, perhaps. His family could attest to that. Well, if he could even call them one, to begin with. He would rather be dragged under the ocean's depths than tell anyone that he yearned for it. Needed it. That inane feeling which he thought he could live without. He has slept with many men and women during his experience of being a lighthouse owner to alleviate this deep yearning. And each time, he would reel them in, do the deed, then they would leave and never see him ever again. In those short moments, even if it was all a facade, he felt wanted. It was only a quick fix for him, of course. None of the feelings remained. Not a drop.

Empty.

He felt empty after those interactions. He knew that they were only making pleasantries just for the sake of killing time before thanking him and sailing off. He never verbally expressed it, but he wanted them to stay. They never did. And never will. He hated it.

'Nothing lasts forever', he reminded himself.

Most days. he drinks to pass the time or to loosen up before setting off his natural charm and charisma upon guests, straight or not. The realisation dawned upon him. As pathetic as it was, he was in pursuit of this feeling - the warmth of another person. It filled him up. It reminded him that he was alive.

His thoughts dissipated when he realised he had reached the Service room. A cacophony of various machinery greeted him as he unlocked the door. Humming, turning, chugging. The beacon at the top of the lighthouse was powered by hydroelectricity - the motion of the ocean waves would turn a turbine which created electricity for the generator which would, in turn, provided power for the beacon. Good, clean energy. Murdoc had to pay a pretty penny to get this system installed. He refused to use whale oil or kerosene for obvious reasons.

Being a lighthouse keeper was usually a very hard job - one had to be willing to work through horrendous weather conditions such as hurricanes, tsunamis and violent storms, all whilst keeping the lighthouse lit all throughout the night for ships to navigate safely. Luckily for Murdoc, storms only occurred once every few weeks or so, while most days were warm or overcast.

Lighthouse keepers would typically do tasks such as cleaning and polishing the lens and windows, repairing and repainting the lighthouse if necessary, provide aid for ships who came astray, and so on. The most Murdoc did was the repair and maintenance of the turbine, generator, and fixing the occasional broken window when waves would get too hectic. He only cleaned the windows once every few months, at the least. His poor maintenance of the lighthouse was justified in his head, however, as his lighthouse was the farthest away from any landmass. So naturally, he would only encounter a stray ship once in a blue moon. He subconsciously looked forward to those encounters.

And then, there was Stuart. Washed up, unconscious, right on his shore. Wings outstretched on the sand like some sort of fallen angel. Murdoc had never even fathomed the day he would meet face-to-face with a siren, of all things. He could still hardly believe it even happened. Could he be in a coma right this very moment and all of this was happening in his mind? Would he ever be able to wake up? He didn't want to think too hard about that possibility. He was all about living in the moment, after all.