Reloaded (Iggady Vol.2) |deetranada|

diecinueve.dee vs todos

(A/N: this is rushed like shit. Glam and London. Yall scene is first next chapter. Yall niggas wouldn't let me focus so here enjoy. Yall know this bitch got errors-Bae)

-omniscient
Its funny...it really is. Yes I'm really about to have my venting moment. This is how I been feeling. So yall are gonna get some truths...well the full truths. Maybe this story will start making sense.

Im a cheater

I can't even say that in simpler terms. Its no sugar coating what is...Im an adulter. I am. It's no lying about it. I'm saying this again because I'm pretty sure yall missed that. Like yall always miss it. So Im saying it so yall cant act clueless

Im Nova.

To be exact....Im all my charcters mixed with my friends around me. Even when you're not mentioned by name in the story...you are. I layer experiences and hide them in other charcters but I can see yall missed that.

Im Say It Again

This Is My Diary.....

Nothing more or less. This is where I vent. This shit is real to me. This is my life. Thats why yall like it. This isnt some fraction of my imagination. This is my life.

The deception, the lies, the sucide attempts, the stress

....all of it is me and the way I've been honestly feeling right now. I hope you guys are prepared for all the emotions I've been hiding. I been waiting so long to get the last chapter over with and thats honestly why it took so long....I wasn't feeling it. I haven't been feeling sexual or loved. I haven't been in a relationship...so what am I really pulling from.

Dont expect some great ass relationships.

Lets be real...when have I honestly gave you a stable relationship in this book.

Never...want to know why?

Funny thing is.... I never had a happy or stable relationship.

So what do you expect from me. I can't give you something I never obtained. I seen glimpses of happinesss but they are few and far inbetween. My happiness seems to turn and morphe into nightmares quickly. Darkness is always over me. Looming like the demons on my shoulders. The ones I fight off everyday. My faith dwinddling and chipping away brick by boring brick.

Im losing myself...yes this may just be a cry for help. A cry you might actually respond to...but Iggady and Reloaded is all I have to offer sadly. I can't express myself beyond this.

I suck with emotions but Im emotional. I love marriage but I haven't be monogamous. I write books on wattpad that pull numbers but I'm barely passing my writting class.

Im paradoxical.

Typical Pisces Shit...cant decide what side I want to be on.

Over dramatic, over emotional, procrastinators that move on the fly and things magically seem to work. Thats so me it's humerous. These emotions keep fucking me over too.

The same ones that conflict with each other and make me make these terrible decisions. This following my heart shit aint working out. None of this shit is working out. My life is a flop.

And dont give me that bullshit that Im doing fine. You don't know the pressure niggas be putting on me. I never been perfect and dont lie and say Im fine. Dont lie to me and say Im pretty. Dont lie to me and say Im smart because I will continue to put on this fake smile. The same one yall always see