Reloaded (Iggady Vol.2) |deetranada|

y. medio diamond and julio's life entitled: the adolescents |int.dos|

(AuthorsNote: bro 6.5k+ bands on an interlude. Come on now my nigga -kodi voice-. I aint proof read shit...so.........lmaooooo look im tired ion feel like. Im pretty sure its mistakes oh well.I tried to sum this up as quick as possible...if yall could believe that smh. Anyways. Enjoy-Zaria
Ps. This is kinda boring but eh....)

-zaria

"What are you doing right now?" I looked down at my nails as I sat my back againist the wall of my bedroom. My eyes closed softly. I was speaking in a hushed tone. After trying to tell my dad about my boyfriend the last time...I couldn't even risk it. Its funny how they had the energy to suck all the dreams outta me. Its funny because I was so down for this relationship untill he brought up the possiblities.

The 'what if he is using you's , the 'do you want to take care of a broken man's, and dont forget the the 'you'll get pregnant's. God forbid my father ever found out I was sexually active at one point.

Now that I was not by choice celebrant. I had less to stress about I guess. I looked at my slightly pushed ajar door as my dad listened to some Migos on his tablet. I lived in the fear of him hearing my light whispers of I love you's through the phone.

But I thought about what my dad said. For once...I actually agreed. Maybe I didn't even love him...maybe this was my nature kicking in. I wanted to be there for him, he told me what I liked to hear...maybe it wasnt love. Just the thought of him. The possible perfection of our relationship was alluring to me. The possible weighing of my options if I picked my ex over him. I was chasing a dream a possibility not even thinking about the individual. Its crazy knowing somebody ya whole damn life and not knowing shit about them. You think you may know somebody until you get into a relationship.

I always trusted him...more than I did anybody in any relationship but the more he opened up...I was getting cold feet. The things he would say would set off red flags for me. So now, I was in this awkward position...because I wanted out. I wanted out now. I just wasnt direct like that. I learned from the past. I wasn't gonna start talking to somebody eles or start something new...

But I was missing my ex.

I never felt this way while I was in a relationship. But I was in a relationship with someone who I was tip toeing around. Super sensitive. Somebody I cared so deeply for I couldn't break his heart so I stayed.

"Nothing just in my room talking to you." I finally replied. I closed my eyes softly my ear pressed againist my phone. The other ear working overtime to check if my dad didnt move just a wall away.

"You been acting differently lately" My eye both opened simultaneously. My heart now beating a little faster.

"Um I don't know...I just haven't been feeling it...plus I-"I paused at my words. Contemplating if it was the right thing to say to him. How could I phrase this. It was crazy, because he had these qualities I really liked. But some of the red flag I noticed before and the ones my father brought to my attention. I loved how supportive he was of me in every aspect. The first guy to actually like the way I looked in my opinion. He was fine with all my random hair changes with wigs and he really really liked my natural hair in its natural state. I never met somebody like that. But he had down sides. It wasn't even him. It was his experiences. His struggle. I was a broken girl but dealing with a man that recently lost his mother wasn't easy to any means of the imagination. Especially when I was close to her as well. It was starting to weigh on me. Call me selfish but I felt like my youth was being taken out of me. He was moving super fast which I didn't like...I could't move that fast again.