You think this is pointless anyways so why are you reading. Dont read it.
"I'm scared of my own pen. Im scared of it. These words intertwined wi- it's scary you know. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. If I let my mind wonder too far I don't know what I will create. The flick of my pen can change anything at this point and Im scared. Like yall dont get it. They probably mad now.
"Why didn't she update" "this isn't what I wanted". For a lack of better words. Wake the fuck up. You that sleep. Yall really that blind. Yall eyes and ears peachy as fuck. I have a reason to be scared. It all was...correction is happening to fucking fast. To precisely the bullets of thoughts inside my head. IM SCARED. So scared my angel on my shoulder is telling me to end this while Im ahead. Im thinking about listening. I have fears and doubts right now and its tearing me apart. Im real scared. I dont like this feeling. This feeling of responsibility and its holding me captive of writing.
I hated this feeling. This feeling of helplessness. I hated it. But shit its not even about me. Its crazy how many times I've backspaced this. Its funny actually,shit shall I say comical. It took me this long to write about the truth. The truth is hard. Its really hard. Reality is even harder. The settling in reality can drive somebody crazy. It can drive someone insane. The realization that dreams are just dreams and you live in a world of reality when your head is in dreams. It can drive someone insane. The reality is nobody is real anymore, and if they're not fake then they're heaven sent. The fake crummble we all know that...we just dont know which way. But when the fake give an image of a perfect home but it's made of glass, we dont see the obvious betrayal oozing out of thier pores like over grown black head. All of them-- blemishes to your life. Carrying the weight of a cyst. This flesh called emotions link them to your body and even deep to your soul. These soul ties.
Soul ties that keep us bond to people. Emotions are weaknesses that we fall privy to. Its a fact of life. Emotions are good but not when other play with them.
And even the people that dont intend to hurt you but just try to relate to you when you feel all alone. You hate them too. It feels like they only wanna down play what you been through. When they're trying to relate. But fail to see you don't want to be related too.
You want to sit in sorrow and be alone.
Its when you hit rock bottom you get it. Why people dont have hope or faith anymore. You want to sulk in peace. You wanna be mad in peace. You wanna be sad in peace.
In peace.
And maybe that's all it takes for you to have a purpose. A goal. Something to strive for. Thoose options become shallow when you hit the bottom and your dreams run dry from the empty well. Then alls you have is time and space. Time and space to think.
And think
And think
And think
And then that's when my thoughts creep in.
The doubts
The demons
They hold us captive and never leave. The chains on the collar of death tighten when happiness is visable. They loosen to prolong the torture of the ineviatble.
But demons are self inflicted.
Firstly start believing the demons are real.
Its the devil's best trick to make you believe they dont exsist
And his even better trick is to make you believe that the demon is some seperate entity...
When it's just you.
Inner demons.
Demons are equivalent to lack of faith
I dont even mesn Christianity shit.
Faith in self
Faith in life
Faith in others
...all gone.
You have to let a demon in.You have to believe the demon for it to work. You are the deciding factor and when you lose yourself and lose faith...anything can happen.
We're a society built on hope and dreams. Shit our money system is fake in America. What does a piece of paper hold values. Shit, half of you dont even have money in your accounts right now. Ya bank is loaning it away as we speak. The faith system It can crumble at any minute. When we decide to stop using it.
We decide
You decide.
This isn't a easy decision to let the demons go. Demons are beautiful.
The devil was beautiful. The angel of music. He was so beautiful.
We chase that false beauty and get caught in a cycl- I said too much huh
Yeah
This is just how I feel. The real."
-excerpts from 108
I looked away from my notepad and closed it. I got up out of my seat and walked away.
YOU ARE READING
Reloaded (Iggady Vol.2) |deetranada|
Action"We Gotta Figure Out Who This Zaria Girl Is" "She's One Of My Fans Yo. Ion Think She Was That Serious About This Shit." I looked at Ekko and Nova who were sitting across from me in the McDonald's. It was good we had a show together. We needed to dis...
