Mr Darcy's Christmas Carol

Part 26

After a joyful, festive meal, filled with good food and neighbourly conversation, everyone retired back to the parlour, where Georgiana was pressed into playing for everyone a selection of Christmas carols. She had won over almost everybody by her skill and self-deprecation: and then proceeded to win even Mary Bennet to her side by suggesting the two play a few songs as duets. This had the effect of drawing Kitty and Lydia into the musical corner, too, as they sought to exhibit their vocal skills and a pretty little chorus came together under Georgiana's generous tutelage.

"You see, Mr Darcy? Your concerns for your sister were quite unfounded," she whispered, as she found herself beside Mr Darcy in a quiet corner of the sitting room.

"It was your greeting that gave her the confidence to befriend your sisters," he replied. "And for that I am grateful. She can be reserved -"

"Like her brother," Elizabeth put in, fearing he had taken her joke for a slight, as his features rearranged themselves slowly but firmly into a smile.

"Yes, like her brother. I assure you that is about the only way in which we are alike. Georgiana far outstrips me in amiability and optimism."

Lizzy laughed.

"Well, we certainly cannot accuse you of self-deception, Mr Darcy."

"Now that I cannot allow. Until quite recently I would argue I was quite adept at deceiving myself." Colour swept across his cheeks, but Lizzy, emboldened by their growing ease of manner, pressed him to answer.

"I cannot believe it. Mr Darcy, untrue?"

"Mistaken, not untrue - or, not knowingly untrue."

"And what have you been mistaken about?"

"The first I already alluded to: the nature of the affection between my friend and your sister. I have repented and, I hope, helped to undo any damage I in any way contributed to." Lizzy nodded, but said nothing, allowing him to continue which, after a pause, he did.

"The second, I confess now, though I wonder at my doing so." Darcy's voice had dropped to barely a whisper and when Lizzy glanced at him the look he fixed on her was so serious, so striking that she felt, rather than heard, his response.

"It is you, Miss Elizabeth. I was mistaken in my opinion of you and I deceived myself, for far longer than is admirable, of my indifference."

"Then you are not...indifferent?" Lizzy's throat was dry. For one brief, terrifying moment she feared his answer would be worse. She pictured him saying I am not indifferent, in fact, I despise you. She shook off the notion when she felt his gaze once more and saw the ghost of a smile resting on his stormy features. It was a smile she recognised and served to settle her nerves.

"When we went to London it was to spirit Charles away from Miss Bennet: that much I have confessed to. What I have not said was that it was also my own attempt to escape from you. At that, I was still more unsuccessful, for you followed me there."

Lizzy frowned, opening her mouth to say in no uncertain terms that she had not left Hertfordshire, nor been anywhere close to London this past year.

"Oh, not in person," Darcy acknowledged. He grimaced, but it was an amusing, self-deprecating expression, utterly different to the proud disapproval he had so often worn previously.

"You shall think me mad. But it seemed to me I saw you everywhere I looked. You were in the faces of strangers I passed on the street, you haunted my evenings. It was my inner self, I do not doubt, tormenting me with the truth I had not yet had the courage to admit to myself or anyone else. No, Elizabeth," he continued, dropping the "Miss" in his desire to speak earnestly. "I am not indifferent to you."

Lizzy's heart was full as her eyes met his.

"Nor I, you, Mr Darcy."

"I think it entirely possible I may care for you, and I can only hope the thought is not too dreadful-"

Lizzy reached out one hand to stop him from saying more.

"It is not dreadful, Mr Darcy. Not dreadful at all. It is -" she smiled, grateful that the shadows concealed her blush. "It is the very thing I dreamed of."