Shallow Imitations

chapter twenty-three

We sit on the bench side-by-side. The cafeteria doesn't appeal to either of us. Eleonora is so lucky she doesn't have to do this anymore. It's sickening having to sit here every day and watch people feel bad for me. It's been a year since our parents died, and even the teachers continue to act weird around me like they don't wanna say the wrong thing. I'm not that fragile. I can handle the loss.

Atlas, on the other hand, is always himself. He catches me staring at me and smiles.

I smile back.

It's so easy with him even if it's not an ideal situation. Ever since the accident, Atlas and I have been tighter than glue. He'll call me up if he needs to pick up groceries for the house or if he got into another fight with his mom. We talk about everything, unfiltered.

He says we're dating now because that's what people do when they're dating. They talk about everything and they want to see each other all the time. I laughed when he said that. I said, "No. When people are dating, all they do is make out all day and be gross."

He said we're different. I like that. I've always been a little different. More anxious and always waiting for the future. I'm a junior and I'm already over school. The second I walked into these doors, I knew I wouldn't be able to wait any longer before I got out.

Time passes faster when you have good company.

His fingers are touching mine. He's always subtle like that. The two of us are such an unlikely couple. We don't know what we're supposed to do, but we're figuring things out together. It's weird to think I'd have someone I like so much when I'm still young and going through a lot. El has been thinking of selling the house one I graduate. She says it would make things easier. Going through their things is too much for her, and we need all the money we can get. The inheritance is good, as everything is split to the two of us. So far I'm letting her handle everything.

Whenever I need to talk to these things, I call up Atlas instead. He says it's a good decision. We need college tuition. We have to get our own food and clothes. I never realized how expensive everything is. Just buying food is a hassle. El has been good with this. She's keeping busy, going to college and taking care of the house. I usually do the cleaning since I don't know anything about making budgets. Eleanor always says I buy the wrong type of milk.

The two of us can't see eye-to-eye anymore, but I can't blame her.

"I ran into Wren the other day," I said. "From school. She said you guys used to date."

He shrugs. "For like five months, two years ago."

My fingers cover my lips as I laugh, remembering things that she said.

He has a smile on his face. "What?" He laces his fingers through mine, touching them softly as if he's forgotten what touching people felt like. There's always a small smile on his face whenever we're together. For me too. I've never had anything like this before.

"She said you were terrible. You said the wrong things and would never actually go out with her." I smile, secretly glad that it didn't end well. "Did you really tell her she was draining your energy?"

He throws his head back. His fingers are still touching mine. "She did though. Every time we went out, she just wouldn't stop talking. I didn't even say much through the whole thing." Atlas sighs. "I felt bad about it, then I realized it wasn't her at all. We're just not good for each other."

"You can't say these things to a girl."

He leans in and kisses my cheek. "Trust me, nothing can phase her."