Three Sixty Five Days

Letter Three

29th March 2017

Zekial,

How does it feel to wait for someone, to give them a rescue call and then leave them hanging?
You wouldn't know, would you?
You could not even last a heartbeat.

I couldn't make myself to continue writing.
I felt futile and you seem like a dream I'm unable to get hold of.
An endless nightmare...
Yet I find my hands moving, mind elsewhere.
Words filling the vacant paper of my thoughts.

I'm drifting apart, from everyone, everywhere and myself.
You wouldn't come and neither would serenity.
Mother tells me 'you should go outside love, it's not the end of the world'
How do I tell her It hasn't ended but It feels like I don't live in the 'world' anymore. How do I tell her that my whole world has shattered in front of me and I've done nothing to fix it.

I don't want to go outside, to face the world, to face the haunting reality.

I stay in all day, wondering, thinking about you, crying, screaming. I've studied every inch of my room, from the crack on the doorknob to the stillness of the night.

I don't even feel like myself.

Just a broken soul in a limp body.

The Hilltop gets on my nerve nowadays.
A lot of memories.
Can't forget them.

Can't bury them.

Zekial Zekial Zekial

I do go out. Just to let mother off my back.

But then I forget to return, I go looking for tranquillity and I end up lost.

You had called me your home, you said when you're with me you feel an unknown weight lift off.
But you abandoned this home.

Melissa Misses you too.
She wants to give you the painting she made...of us.

Zekial Zekial Zekial

I'm waiting.

Still waiting...

Same hill, same dreams, same hopes.

What's missing is another Life.

You'll return, sooner or later...

I just know you will.

Don't fail me like I failed myself.

Zekial Zekial

The waves remind me of you.
They don't take me along.
But the irony is
They come back for me.

Yours,
V