Sickness, Freckles, and Magenta (ON HIATUS AND SLOW UPDATES)

Chapter 9

Philip and Eliza talked some more about life and things in general before showing him to his room for the night. He smiled at seeing it was his old room as he settled in. There was sudden noise in the room catty corner from his across the hall.

He poked his head out the door to see his sister chasing his younger brother and both of them screaming and running to the living room, where he could hear Eliza reprimanding them and icily greeting Alexander home.

Philip was in trouble. He took a deep breath and walked out of the room, trying to remember if he'd told Thomas and James he loved them before he left, if he was going to be put 6 feet under by his father.

He walked downstairs, not making eye contact with his father.

"Philip..."

The named slowly walked to his father and extended his hand, which his father shook in a daze as to why his son was acting so formal.

"Father.", he said. His dad looked at him, heartbroken. Philip waited for his dad to say something, but Alexander was silent.

"I'm sorry.", he finally croaked out. "I'm so sorry, I-I didn't... didn't realize it would affect you so much..."

Philip felt rage burning in his bones.

"Didn't realize it would affect me? Affect ME? I watched you destroy your career, your marriage, and your family. Being your oldest son, do you realize how much that made me not want to turn out like you? I don't want to be anything like you, as a father or a lover. The thing is, no one accused you of an affair, yet you had to defend yourself from the thing no one would even think of, but did, SINCE YOU PUBLISHED A 95 PAGE PAPER ON IT PUBLICALLY! I can't believe you would do that to Mother! All she did was love you and give you a family. She doesn't deserve anything you did to her! You said you were defending your honor. What, pray tell, is the point of honor when you have no dignity or humility to follow?", he asked. He couldn't help but raise his voice, he had too much to say to his father. His anger would be one Thomas and James would be proud of.

Alexander stood there in shock, eyes wide, listening to his eldest son continuing to yell at him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Eliza usher the two younger ones outside due to Philip's tone and some choice language. Alexander closed his eyes and sighed. He knew his son was right, why even try to deny it?

"Son..."

"I'm not your son. Not right now.", Philip said curtly. Alexander winced. Ouch.

"I-I know... I have no excuse, I... I didn't mean for this to happen.", Alexander said, feeling his eyes stinging and tears forming as he looked at his son. Philip sighed.

"Give me some time alone. We'll talk later.", he said, stalking off to his room, his mind overflowing.

As soon as he closed the door to his room, he broke down and collapsed on the bed in tears, sobbing into his pillow. Philip curled into a ball on his bed, pretending that James and/or Thomas were there, soothing him and calming him. When he realized they weren't there and imagining them wasn't going to help, he broke down again, wanting to go home to his lovers and have Thomas cradle him to his chest and have James run his hand through his hair, have both of them telling him it's alright. He eventually cried himself to sleep.

He woke to Eliza stroking his hair and telling him dinner is ready. He got up and wiped his eyes, but not before Eliza noticed.

"You alright, dear?", she asked. He shook his head. "Your father never meant for this to happen. He was being accused of speculation and thought it would be honest to publish it himself. His intentions were good in publishing it. I don't know what he was thinking having the affair, though. But we should forgive him and move on. It's best not to dwell on the past, because you can't change it."

Philip hadn't thought about it that way. He followed his mother downstairs to where the rest of his family was seated at the table and sat across from Alexander, whose eyes were staring at his plate.

"I forgive you." Alexander's eyes immediately snapped to Philip's. Tears were forming in his father's eyes.

"I-"

"Don't. Let's change the subject.", Philip said.